Hey everyone, this is my first post on EF, and I was hoping if I could get some feedback on my "letter to a roommate" for Stanford. Any comments, positive or negative, are appreciated. If you would like me to read your essay, feel free to let me know. Thanks.
Dear Future Roommate,
Congratulations on your acceptance to Stanford, and perhaps of equal importance, your assignment as my roommate. Don't worry, I'm only kidding, but as you will come to learn during our time together, this is one my greatest abilities. No matter what the situation, whether you're feeling down, or in an uncontrollable rage, I will always be able to make you smile. My name is Rajesh, and I'm from New York. I moved from India to the United States when I was a baby, and I've lived in three different states. I love listening to music, playing sports, and spending time with friends. I can speak Telugu, an Indian dialect, and I'd say I'm at adequate at speaking Spanish. I like to work very hard to achieve my goals, and on occasions there will be nothing that can come in my way. This involves studying for exams, and staying up until the target has been met. On a typical day of classes, you may see me for a maximum of 6-7 hours, and that's only if you're watching me sleep. I like to keep myself involved in numerous activities, and although each one may be different from the other, I'm equally passionate about them all. I have no valuable culinary abilities, unless you're up to the challenge of eating a peanut butter sandwich for three meals a day, but I'm ready eat almost anything. Unfortunately, cooking is not a passion of mine, but I'm sure we can find a way to grab a bite. In my spare time, I like to sit back, relax, and read a book. Akin to my taste in music, I have no particular preference for genre of books, and I'll read anything that's lying around. Sadly, I have a tendency to not put a book down, so if it catches my attention, I won't let it go till I'm done reading. I'm always willing to help, and I'll do whatever is in my power to help a friend in need. I'm sure we'll experience the greatest moments of our lives as roommates in Stanford, and I look eagerly to meeting you in person.
I'm ready eat almost - ready to eat
Your essay is hilarious. I did LOL (i hate saying that) on the "perhaps of equal importance" and "watching me sleep" part.
I actually read someone else's essay on the same topic. His/Her essay was longer. I love the way your essay is but if you could make it longer, maybe you should.
Good luck.
Thanks a lot Menuka, and I'm looking into the essays of others as well. The only problem is, there is a 2000 character limit, so i end up having only 56 characters left to add. Do you think I should add/remove pieces? Or does the essay generally leave the reader with an empty feeling?
Your essay was definitely great!! It has humor and you incorporated your interests really well :) It flows nicely too!
It's interesting! I wonder if you could split it up a bit, even if only into two paragraphs. My eyes were spinning while reading it.
I laughed at your beginning. I don't think this is vague -- you certainly explained yourself. I only wonder if this would truly be the letter you send to your roommate. It's funny at first, then oddly formal, then not too serious at the end. If this is how you express yourself in real life, then by all means go ahead. I'm also applying to Stanford, and my essay now seems too casual upon reading everyone else's. Take a look at it if you get the chance, please! Other than that, I liked this. Good luck.
nice job man i dont think its too vague at all. but i dont really understand the thing: "you may see for a maximum of 6-7 hours, and thats only if you're watching me sleep.". other than that i think its good. i think you should change that sentence up a little. and also, you could try to get a stronger conclusion because everyone is going to be saying that sort of thing. its looking good and you only need some minor corrections.
but I'm ready eat almost anything. Unfortunately, cooking is not a passion of mine, but I'm sure we can find a way to grab a bite. In my spare time, I like to sit back, relax,
this sentence needs revision
@DesiGirl- Thanks Very Much!
@ctchrssmnky-I'd like to split it up as well, but when i submit the essay it's going to be smushed together in the space provided. To be honest, this is exactly how i am in real life. As to your dilemma, I could not agree/sympathize with you more. I first went around EF, reading other essays on this topic, and i felt like mine was extremely subpar and too casual. I'm sure if you work at it, you'll find a great essay waiting to be written.
@Adithya93-The sentence is meant to say that because i'm rarely in the room, the only time one can see me is if they stay awake, and watch me while i'm sleeping. i should fix that i guess. and for the conclusion, i'm working on spicing it with my own flavor at the moment.
@Mikemikemike- Thanks, got it.
I cannot thank all of you enough.
For this sentence: "you may see for a maximum of 6-7 hours, and thats only if you're watching me sleep."
If I were an admissions officer reading it, I may be a little wary because yes, I understand that you keep yourself busy but it sounds a little like you're abandoning your roommate XD So it's like you're saying your roommate's barely going to see you because you'll be out doing other things. That was the only sentence that stood out to me as something to consider changing.
never mind - i understood that whole sleeping reference. Keep it, it adds some witty humor to the piece !
I like this a lot. Short, sweet, and to the point. Kind of opposite as what you said on mine, but I almost wish it were broken up a little. It's a lot of different topics in a very small space. Perhaps we just have different styles. I do enjoy the essay though, gives a very broad picture of you. Good luck!
no it's not vague at all.
I like how it's concise, but you've explained yourself really well
and it's humorous it attracts people's attention
personally i dont think you need to expand anything
I can speak Telugu, an Indian dialect, and I'd say I'm at adequate at speaking Spanish.
Other than that, it was great! I like how funny your essay was. It was very personable.
Hope to see you at Stanford next year!
Read my character essay?
I also think that you should keep the sleeping reference. Like everyone else, i would have loved to read it with paragraphs, but i get what you are saying.
"Unfortunately, cooking is not a passion of mine, but I'm sure we can find a way to grab a bite." - This line isn't really needed so if you want to cut something for more conciseness, you can delete this line.
Good luck
Great essay, we learn a lot about you from it and it targets the question perfectly. I'm not sure about what you meant by: I have no valuable culinary abilities, unless you're up to the challenge of eating a peanut butter sandwich for three meals a day, but I'm ready eat almost anything ? You need to review the part in red and rephrase it. The humor is always a plus in the admission process.
You done a great job! To make your essay less vague, maybe you could include a little anecdote of yourself. Hope this helps.
