Thanks for the comments on prompt 2!
real story, need help!
After the lunch bell, I quickly stepped outside of Calculus, anxious to head to the Tomb. Let's see, I recounted in my head, It's Monet interpretation, so I probably need some vivid color paint and a couple of pieces of sketch paper. Walking about two minutes or so against the current of kids heading for the cafeteria, I arrived at the art room.
I headed to the corner of the room half blocked by a water fountain: The Tomb of Supplies. Pulling out the drawer, I found another collection of used drawing pads, cans of paint, brushes, etc. Not bad. From the pile of what others would call trash, I could salvage a few clean, unharmed pieces of paper, reusable palettes, and... Score: Almost half a can of fresh red paint! With a smile, I gathered my prizes for the day.
A cache of supplies that last year's seniors had left behind, the Tomb was where I headed almost every day for whatever I could not afford.
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Interesting essay, nie conclusion! It will help if you write a short introductory paragraph to get the reader ready for what is to come. I made many corrections below regarding sentences that start with the words "And," or "But" (conjunctions). I hope that my other corrections help, as well. For the most part, your writing can improve by
1. taking out the contractions
2. taking out unnecessary words, so that it is sleek and efficient.
I like your communication style!
Let's see, I recounted in my head, It's Monet interpretation, so I probably need some vivid color paint and a couple of pieces of sketch paper.
A cache of supplies that last year's seniors had left behind, the Tomb was where I headed almost every day for whatever I could not financially afford. Although I was virtually the only one who utilized the system, followed by others' suspicious glances, I did not care much about what others thought. Knowing that my mother's income definitely was insufficient for both the apartment rent and my would-be extravagant spending on art, the Tomb was a blessing from heaven above, a solution to my problems.
After a year in the art room, searching for whatever I needed for the assignment that day, my interest in art grew even more. This led me to apply to professional art programs. Ryman Arts, a tuition-free program, was one of them. Through Ryman, I was selected as two of the scholarship winners for the Idyllwild Arts summer program in 2007. In a way, both programs gave me hope and the tremendous opportunity to interact with other talented artists, teachers and students alike, and broaden my scope of learning. Listening to world-class lectures by prominent artists and discussing Salvador Dali under the sun in Idyllwild with people from England, Chicago, and New York, I opened my eyes to how art could affect people from all over the world.
My experiences of towering over the Tomb and attending such art programs ultimately helped shape my dream of becoming an animator. However, now I have a goal in life, not just a career: creating a charity for student artists who are less financially fortunate. As others' kindness has given me a chance to express myself in art, I want to be able to return the society's favor and help students like myself. In my opinion, the world can always use a couple more Tombs.
