Lung cancer - UCF -some obstacle or bump in the road

Need some help just finishing up or opinions, this is my first essay. #1 If there has been some obstacle or bump in the road in your academic or personal life.

Anyone who has ever had to overcome an obstacle or challenge knows how good it feels to have achieved success. I say that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain. That is my philosophy on life. Most of the time life is like a rainbow full of color, beauty and imagination. And if you are lucky the jackpot of Gold is waiting at the end. But not everybody can be lucky. Sometimes we only get somewhat through the rainbow before the rain comes.

For me the rain came when I was 11 years old. Since I can remember as a little boy, I watched everyday as my grandmother and grandfather would smoke cigarettes. Between the both of them they smoked more then some 80 plus years. They weren't soon enough done with the one and the second was ready to be lit. I watched as their fingers became yellowish and the air that surrounded them smelled like an ash tray. I watched as it became difficult for them to breath at times and grew weak and tired easily. And then, back in 2004 I witnessed my grandmother suffer from lung cancer. I remember my mom taking on the phone to my aunt trying to be discreet so my brother and I would not find out., but I heard the horrible news and I was in shock. My grandmother and I were so close. And as I tried to comfort her and be by her side as much as I could my grades started to slip. All I could think abut was what I would do if I lost her and how could I go on without her in my life. After the chemo, radiation and surgery my grandmother got a second chance at life. I began to skip through the rainbow once again.

That was until 2008 when my grandfather was also diagnosed with lung cancer. Again, I had to overcome the fear and anxiety that now I could also loose my grandfather. I stood by his side as I did my grandmother. Only this time my grades did not falter and I was able to deal with my emotions and the pain you feel when you may loose someone close to you. I knew that keeping up my grades and continuing to go through life is what both my grandparents wanted for me and I would I not let them down.

In life everyone will one day have to overcome an obstacle or challenge. In my case my challenge was dealing with both my grandparents having cancer. I had to personally overcome the fear and the sadness and had to deal with the emotional pain that they would both die. As once said to me by a great man I call my grandfather " If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain". They have been through so much. I hope the pot of gold is waiting for them.

I feel that the first sentence should be your quote about rainbows and rain. I did not understand this sentence: "Sometimes we only get somewhat through the rainbow before the rain comes."

"Since I can remember as a little boy, I watched everyday as my grandmother and grandfather would smoke cigarettes."
This sentence is a little weird. Just say that you watched your grandparents smoke everyday.

"Between the both of them they smoked more then some 80 plus years."
This sentence is confusing.

"For me the rain came when I was 11 years old."
Just say "The rain came when I was 11 years old"

Your sentence structure is awkward in many parts.

Avoid unnecessary sentences such as "In life everyone will one day have to overcome an obstacle or challenge."

"As once said to me by a great man I call my grandfather " If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain". They have been through so much. I hope the pot of gold is waiting for them."

Why is your last sentence about them?

There is not much in this about you.
How were you affected? You only say that you were "in shock".

Your quote is "if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain".
Where's the "rainbow" for you?

Overall, too much about your grandparents. Nice quote but it doesn't reall apply well to your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure.

Please omit the entirety of your first paragraph. The extended metaphor is so trite that it detracts from, rather than adds to, the power of your story.