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"Lung Collapsed" Personal accomplishment UC #2 (THANKS GUYS)


Gautama 6 / 133  
Nov 27, 2008   #1
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

In high school I was heavily involved in performing arts. I did it because I loved it and was willing to make sacrifices in order to stay involved. In fact I am a very introverted person who suffered greatly from stage fright. I figured that it would fade away after a couple weeks or maybe even months but it never did. Every time I got on stage even just during rehearsals in front of my friends I was always scared. Some kids were just naturals, had total confidence in themselves, and could perform with little or no fear. I wasn't made that way. Yes, I was confident about what I knew I could do but I still had to face that fear every single time in order to do what I loved.

During senior year I was cast in the role of the Chief in a stage production of Get Smart adapted by Mel Brooks. It was around the last 5 weeks of rehearsal when I faced the scariest time in my life thus far. I suffered a spontaneous pnemothorax which effectively means that my lung collapsed. I went to the emergency room and had a small procedure done to repair the area that burst and recovered at home. I went back to school and rehearsals and my surgeon said that there was almost no chance of it recurring. About a week later, it did. This time I was fully hospitalized and had surgery to remove a small part of my lung. With only 2 weeks left in rehearsal I practiced my lines in my hospital bed. When I recovered I had only a few days before the performance. My director said that he could find a replacement for me but I knew that the performance would be sloppy as he wouldn't know the blocking or be able to second guess the other actors. So while working to recover my grades from the classes I missed I performed in that production 4 days after recovering. I knew that if I could get through that, no matter what I did in the future, no fear could stop me from doing what I love.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2008   #2
Great essay. You might want to remove the contractions and write the two words ("wasn't," "wouldn't").

Also, use commas to create a nice rhythm: Yes, I was confident about what I knew I could do, but I still had to face that fear every single time in order to do what I loved.

You told a nice story in the second paragraph, and now you should probably add a third paragraph to reflect on how this experience "makes you who you are." You can make room for a third paragraph by taking out some unnecessary words...

Good luck!!!


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