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'lying on the bed and reading a book' - MIT pleasure essay

kruthimohan 5 / 15  
Dec 24, 2011   #1
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

I wrote this! Please tell me what you think and give me suggestions!

After twelve stressful school hours, I can think of nothing but lying on the bed and reading a book. It transports me to a different world entirely where I can put my thought processes to work, different from the usual math or physics solving ones. It offers me the peace I seek after a long day, occasionally offering me solutions to problems and making me wiser with every sentence I read. The delight of reading books, to me, is incomparable to the one obtain from any other activity. The insight that books offer, the motivation that they provide and the serenity I obtain while reading are what make reading my most pleasurable activity.

It's 113 words and the limit is 100. Which part of the essay can I cut/ edit?
OP kruthimohan 5 / 15  
Dec 24, 2011   #2
I thought of changing the topic. How about this?

The mystery of the beginning makes me as curious as the uncertainty of the end. For this reason, the Universe has always managed to capture my interest. The huge balls of fire, the giant masses of rocks and the enigmatic dark matter have always aroused a certain excitement in me. No matter how tired I am after twelve stressful hours of school, I make sure that I keep myself posted with the developments in space related activities. Although this activity certainly increases my knowledge base in the field of Astronomy, I do it for the mere pleasure I obtain out of it.

It's 102 words. What do you think of this? Can you make it a little more interesting?
chipdip - / 12  
Dec 25, 2011   #3
maybe get rid of the "the"s in the third sentence?

Regarding the essay(recent one), it's interesting, but I don't see any evidence that supports your claims. You've probably heard this too many times, but.. show rather than tell.

(By the way, is your school day really 12 hours? harsh...)
OP kruthimohan 5 / 15  
Dec 26, 2011   #4

Since there's a word limit, I couldn't do anything about it. In my other essays however, I have written about my projects which could relate to my essay for this prompt :)

Do you think that will do?
silentspring 12 / 58  
Dec 26, 2011   #5
I l like the second one better. It shows you have irresistible passion for space-related stuff. Just remember, you can always cut some words. Good luck.
watermark 2 / 15  
Dec 26, 2011   #6
I also like the second essay. The first was more of not unique..comparably, the second essay has a great introduction which compels someone to read more. As it has already being said removing the "the's" will help reduce the number of words...

Great job and good luck!

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