'Lyricist and theatrical actor' Univ. of rochester #2: your contribution to the university

HI
It is Me again and i would like to get some help on the second essay. I would like to know if it is well written, on point, and easy to understand. Also feel free to correct any grammatical eror.

Thanks

The Instruction
In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.
Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

My essay

I'm a literary art auteur and a lyricist in two languages (French and English). I have been a theatrical actor for 4 years and a performance director for 3 years for a total of seven years in performing arts. In addition to this independent work,

I'm currently doing an independent study on the foreign exchange market. My studies are centralized on technical analysis of market trends, and a fundamental analysis of economic policies, interest rate, balance of trade...and how they can be combined to do successful carry trades. My final objectives are to develop an expert advisor (a trading Robot) that can carry trade efficiently. I hope these independent studies in finance, my professional experience as a financial advisor, my experience in performing arts, will be a great contribution to the University's diversity of independent studies' styles.

auteur. cool word
a lyricist of* or in? I'm not sure which one works.
not sure you need to say seven years. we hope adcoms can add
woah. you flop from acting to foreign exchange. you don't talk much about it.
une seule experience, s'il vous plait, ou vous pouvez ecrire plus
I like all the terminology... interesting stuff.


you only state one objective...


I believe that these...adviser*...arts will ...UoR's...<what do you mean here? that UoR had many styles of ind. study? I don't quite get it>

overall, on the point, only last part is a bit hard to understand. good luck at UoR~

Very efficient writing here. That is nice. Maybe it is too serious and efficient, though. How about adding one unexpected comment right in the middle to jolt the reader into really remembering the essay. It can be anything... anything to reflect your own slant, your own way of looking at one of these things.

and if you give these numbers, write them both as words:
for three years for a total of seven years in

It also lacks structure a little... it is on point in the sense that it consists of all stuff about you, but what is the main idea for the essay? It needs a theme. If you list these sentences, you will see that they largely unrelated. yeah, I think it is because you start by telling a few unrelated things, sort of random. You should start with this:

(give a sentence that captures the reader's attention and establishes your THEME for the essay). I'm a literary art auteur and a lyricist in two languages (French and English), and

I have been a theatrical actor for three years and a performance director for three years for a total of seven years in performing arts. In addition to this independent work,

I'm currently doing an independent...

:-)