Hello, any feedback on my essay would be greatly greatly appreciated.
What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally?
Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective. Additional writing samples (e.g., class papers or creative writing) are welcomed as supplements, but are not substitutes for either essay.
University research is a tedious and nerve-racking process, especially for an international student. I have always wanted to study in the States, as I had lived there for a significant fraction of my life. While my desire to study in the US started off as a longing to go back to the country I had spent my adolescence in, as I grew older, I became increasingly attracted to the liberal arts schools and the experiences they offered. The sense of family among students, the fiery passion people possessed for learning and self-improvement, and the rigor and challenge of the academics were all things which I found absolutely enticing.
It was then when I found Macalester College. Reading through the website, I stumbled upon a page called, "100 Things To Do Before You Graduate," and as I went down the list, I couldn't help but smile. From facilities such as The Link, to events such as Midnight Breakfast, and traditions such as The Rock and Macalester's Bell, Macalester offered, what seemed to me, a truly rewarding and personal experience. Each thumbnail image of the students was like a window into my ideal educational environment.
As an international student who's lived in Korea, Japan, Singapore and America, I was very much seduced by Macalester's emphasis on internationalism and multiculturalism. Having been exposed to various religions, cultures and environments, I feel that a school that can appreciate and acknowledge the importance of international diversity is a place I want to be. I believe that to be surrounded by people of different values, ideas, morals, and circumstances is an educational experience outside of textbooks; I speak from experience when I say that the exposure to different perspectives is enlightening and compelling. Through my travels, I've become more open-minded towards different political and cultural stances, and I feel that the ability to find respect for, to accept, and to learn from diversity is a key aspect, and something I can offer.
I was also attracted to Macalester's strong foundation in the social sciences, which is an area of study I would like to delve in. What I found most interesting about Macalester's approach to the social sciences was its interdisciplinary nature. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of drawing from different academic areas in order to broaden one's understanding of a certain subject, such as International Studies or Sociology. Also, with Macalester's myriad of courses, I think it can offer the breadth and depth of learning that I have constantly been seeking.
Most importantly, I want to take an active part of the Macalester community. Macalester offers so many opportunities to make friends in both social and academic situations, and being a fairly small school, I am eager to be a part of the tightly-knit community that Macalester has. I go to a high school of about 250 students, which compared to Macalester is incredibly tiny. However, I love it here; everyone knows and is friends with each other, and, especially among the students in my grade, we have developed a strong closeness and consider ourselves as one big family. I hope to find this kind of closeness in Macalester.
As I live in Singapore, it is very difficult for me to visit Macalester, but during my research, I felt that something about Macalester feels right. Perhaps it is the wide range of academic prospects offered, or the various fun and slightly quirky activities and traditions that give Macalester its appeal. As I reached the end of the "100 Things To Do Before You Graduate," list, I thought to myself, "how the hell am I going to accomplish all this in four years?" But I realized, four years is a long time, and to spend it at a place of Macalester's caliber would be a dream.
I have always wanted to study in the States, as I had lived there for a significant fraction of my life. ----> this is not a good reason to want to study in a particular place. Maybe you should revise this sentence.
Why do you start with a sentence about something being nerve-wracking? You end with a sentence about something being enticing. What is the theme of this first paragraph? I think the theme of the first paragraph should be the same as the theme of the whole essay. (The last paragraph should also promote that main theme, and it expands on it by considering the implications.)
This is a good sentence! ---> As an international student who has lived in Korea, Japan, Singapore and America, I was very...
I think you did a great job with this essay! Think of what the main theme for the essay is, and promote that theme in the first and last paragraphs.