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Macau, transfer essay, (Influencing Destiny)


taihongcomet 1 / -  
Jan 23, 2009   #1
I believe that we all have a destiny, but we are not predestined. It is in fact controlled in our own hands. In my mind, as long as I have good enough knowledge, I do not need to flatter as an employee in order to succeed.

Macau and University



Macau, a city consisting of various casinos of different sizes, has a policy which allows even students whom did not graduate from high schools to work in them and earn a pleasant sum of money. This eventually caused a trend for people to think that earning money means being successful. I came to a realization after looking at this society; I have to study abroad and enrich my experience. Although deep inside of me I do not believe that having a better education guarantees success, it will no doubt be a good milestone in my journey of life. And if I keep increasing my knowledge from different aspects of life, I will eventually find my rightful place in this world. I staunchly believe that my aim in the United States is to learn and if I waste my time doing inappropriate things, I'll lose my aim in studying here. Therefore the first thing I have to do after stepping on American soil is to fit into the culture.

Through my time in college, from ESL to university lectures, changed two of my life long beliefs. I not only learn the importance of communication and cooperation but also practice my communicative abilities and foster the spirit of teamwork. First of all, I started doing things that I have never done or thought of doing before: group work and presentations. There is an old saying in Chinese: "There is always a more magnificent mountain" meaning even if you are bright, there will always be someone brighter than you. I know I was never a smart person, but I have a belief; As long as I keep being a good listener, listening to other people's opinions, learning from others, I will gain much more than I can imagine. People grow and mature depending on their environments. When I was still studying in Macau, I rarely expressed my thoughts. However after expanding my social circle in college, I wanted to express myself more and more. I have realized that the recognition from others for expressing yourself in group work is priceless. That happiness is indescribable. Learning is not just about the grades. This is my realization from my college experience. For me, if I really want to learn something, I cannot just dwell on the thoughts of how to achieve a good grade, I need to be willing to learn wholeheartedly. Every time when I look back to my high school days, the days when I only looked to my grades, I only see how much time i have wasted. Therefore when I came to realize that I should not be so stubborn on my grades, I have gained more than I can ever imagine.

I would like to say sorry that the essay is a little bit long, but please help me out to fix the grammar and sentence structure, please. thanks a lot.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 23, 2009   #2
How about a colon insteade of a semi-colon after "...looking at this society:

Now, the whole first paragraph (the short one at the beginning) is very weak, unfortunately! :) The concept of destiny includes the idea of predetermination, so you can't say you believe in it and don't believe in it. I know what you mean, though.

I believe that we are all destined in various ways, but that we can influence our "destiny" with our own hands. In my mind, as long as I have good enough knowledge, I do not need to flatter as an employee in order to succeed.

I crossed that sentence out because it is unclear and sort of nonsequator.

Now that you brought up the topic of destiny, you need to talk about it in the essay a little! Especially at the end. :)


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