Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance on you.
(no more than 500 words)
A prevalent issue of national concern that affects me is national health care. As an individual born with health problems, I understand that the medical care that I received has given me a chance to live a healthy lifestyle. The issue of health care, along with my own experiences, has greatly affected me in my decision to become a physician.
On July 3rd, 1992, I was born as a premature infant. My arrival was at Beth Israel Medical Center in Manhattan, and my birth weight was only about two pounds. Immediately after birth, I was placed into a small incubator which was designed to aid my poorly-formed respiratory system in breathing in the neo-natal unit. The fact that I was so small, fragile and helpless amazes me; I was small enough to fit in the palm of my mother's hand; my frequent cries were inaudible. I firmly believe that I am here today because of the valiant deeds and heroism of the doctors and hospital staff that cared for me. The subject of health care is consequential because all human beings deserve the right to live even if they have or have had health issues. My conviction is that proper health care is important in the saving of lives; it impacts us all.
Although I had never suffered from immediate complications at birth other than respiratory problems, my days of decent health were numbered. When I was a toddler, my tonsils began to swell up; they became very swollen, to a point that made it difficult for me to swallow solid food. Also, my tonsillitis made breathing difficult while I was asleep, which brought much worry to my parents. Soon I was sent to a doctor who ordered emergency surgery to remove the swollen glands. The operation was a complete success: I was able to eat solid food again and I was breathing much easier.
My recent visit to the neo-natal care unit at a hospital gave me a broader view of the health challenges that premature infants have to face and the importance of proper health care. When I saw the vast amount of medical equipment that facilitated their development and the meticulous treatment that they received, I was amazed at the amount of care that each child received. Health care does not only save lives, but it gives us all the chance to live lives that are joyful and fulfilling.
The issue of health care has greatly affected my view of the world. It has given me the zeal and desire to become a doctor in the near future. I want to become a physician to help individuals in need of medical attention and provide the medical care in which they need to live at their prime. My experiences as a young and sickly child have shaped my decision to become a doctor. The optimal care that I received as an infant showed me that caring for one's health can truly make a difference for a lifetime.
I was amazed at the amount of care that each child received. Health care does not only save lives, but it gives us all the chance to live lives that are joyful and fulfilling.
transition here between these sentences is weak.
My experiences as a young and sickly child have shaped my decision to become a doctor.
this should b and is your focus. however, you say this at least twice. maybe take that out once.
Comments: Overall, strong idea about your PERSONAL health problems. but addressing health care for the nation/local/international context you only did so minimally. maybe talk about this in the beginning and the rest should be fine.
my frequent cries were inaudible.
To the reader, it is obvious that you are just going for a dramatic effect here. Obviously, you aren't speaking from memory -- just mustering up some dramatic effect. The emphasis of your premature birth makes your intention to be a physician seem underdeveloped.
I think you should only mention this prematurity briefly and then concentrate on the "health care issue." To many people, this notion of a health care issue is about insurance coverage, etc. You need to become an expert on the issue. I'm afraid this essay has to be rewritten; use this story for something else. This essay is intended to be about an issue about which opinions differ as to the best solution.
