Guys, this is my common app essay. Please help me out. Point out any errors you notice. And suggest any improvements you think will make this better. PLEASE.
Two days left :(
"He's kind of tall, a little over six feet. He's got brown hair, long in back. Brown eyes. He's a nice guy. He doesn't dress like me. Kinda casual."
That's how his best friend once described him. But what sets him apart is not his height but his high degree of ingenuity. His ability to conjure something extraordinary out of, what merely seem, mundane objects makes him more than just a secret agent - a scientific prodigy. Without a gun, and any other weapon for that matter, he manages to defend himself and complete the task at hand. How? A few tidbits of scientific knowledge and a little bit of imagination. Be it disarming a nuclear warhead using a paperclip or using a chocolate bar to stop an acid leak, he can do it all.
"His name is MacGyver; he can fix anything"
Having grown up in Pakistan, all I ever used to watch on TV was either Cartoon Network or The Discovery Channel (I wasn't allowed to watch shows such as Friends until I was 13). However, my uncle used to have a huge collection of TV shows from the 80s and 90s. While he was home for a family dinner one night, he saw me watching The Mythbusters with my friend. Guessing from the awestruck expression on my face that I was enjoying every bit of it, he offered me to lend me a DVD of his favourite show. Excited and inquisitive at the same time, I asked him what it was about. "Oh, you'll love it", was all I got for an answer. And, well, I ended up more than just loving it.
MacGyver soon became a part of my life. His mind boggling escapes and witty sense of humour always left me begging for more at the end of the episode. However, MacGyver was not just another action hero for me. The way he used simple scientific principles to build ingenious contraptions inspired me to do something like that myself. Although the Mythbusters gave me a reason to love science, MacGyver showed me a way of implementing those principles in real life and that too using common everyday stuff. Every trick of his sparked my curiosity and flooded my mind with questions. I used to bug my father for explanations regarding every detail involved in the MacGyverisms. Sometimes he had answers, sometimes he didn't. However, I do remember one particular incident when I had asked him if he can fix a leaky car radiator with eggs like MacGyver did. Yes, he had replied. Then, he went on to tell me how he had actually used this technique to temporarily fix the leak once during his college life.
Apart from his intelligence and vast knowledge in the fields of Physics and Chemistry, his affable and peaceful nature is another reason why he is my inspiration. He was a staunch advocate of gun control and never carried one with himself. Instead, a Swiss Army knife and a roll of duct tape was sometimes all he used to have on hand. A few days back somebody described him as "poor man's James Bond" in an online forum. Not only because he managed to defeat his enemies without using any expensive weapons but also because he used to help the less-privileged whenever he could. His no smoking, no drinking and no guns policy made him the ultimate role mode for all the young guys who grew up watching the show, including me. I was so influenced by his personality that I started copying everything he did. I had once stolen a pen knife from my cousin's room (I don't know what it was doing there) and started carrying it with me all the time as my father had refused to buy me a Swiss Army knife. I remember the puzzled look on the barber's face when I had once told him that I wanted the "MacGyver look". Having no idea as to what I meant, he just gave me the same old boring haircut he always did.
From his love for science to his hate for violence, his amiable personality to his fear of heights - Angus MacGyver is an action hero I can truly relate to. So, today, when ever I feel like nothing is going my way and the all the odds are against me; I ask myself, "What would MacGyver do?"
Word Count: 733
Hey, I'm sorry I did not see this sooner. You have not gotten much help...
"His name is MacGyver; he can fix anything"
You need a period after 'anything.'
This whole thing is great, but maybe I am biased in favor of it because I love McGyver, too.
I suggest taking out any unnecessary sentences and keeping only the funniest and most meaningful stuff, like the gun control and the haircut.. the really good stuff.
(I had a MacGyver jacket...)
And, well, I ended up more than just loving it .--- You don't have to cut this sentence, but you do at least need to add a sentence or two after it as a way of giving a THEME to the whole essay... so the reader will have a distinct experience. Establish that theme in the intro, and make it clear. Make it something that can be expressed in one sentence.
