I could use some help and wanted to know if I'm going on the right track?
Prompt: Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.
Madison has always topped my list for where I would like to go for college. Nearly all of my majorly successful family members are UW Madison alumni and constantly boast the superiority of their beloved college. This year is my brother's second year at Madison and every time he comes home or calls he has several stories about sporting events and activities on campus. My brother also expresses his gratitude for the extraordinary professors who go over and above to benefit the students. I have always admired this campus and all that it has to offer, and I can't think of any other college that I would rather go to.
As a Baby Badger there are many opportunities I would utilize that Madison has to offer to its student body. With my previous involvement in German Club it would be great to get together with some fellow Deutsch enthusiasts in one of Madison's German Clubs. Having such a large student body, Madison has many fraternities that can offer helpful business connections later on in life. Madison also has a lot of facilities for students to use in their off time that I would take advantage of, such as the gyms, pools, and basketball courts. If I were to be accepted into Madison I would bring the greatest tools my mind has been able to craft over the past couple years. I would bring my great foundations for knowledge in engineering, mathematical, architectural, and many more subjects.
There are a numerous amount of circumstances that impacted my high school involvement. I've always strove to do my best, academically, to make my parents proud. In order to make the most out of my high school career I chose harder classes and traded a sliver of my perfect GPA for priceless knowledge. Ever since Freshman year I've been taking courses taught by one of my high school's PLTW teacher, who has had a remarkable amount of experience in a couple different engineering fields. Coming out of high school I can say that I've learned more than I ever thought I would, which can greatly be credited to the PLTW courses. Additionally, having such a great German teacher urged me to invest as much time as I did in German Club.
In the introduction you let the reader know that you understood the prompt in the very first sentence. However, you didn't really emphasize on why the school attracted YOU. You considered the actions of your brother and that's okay. However, you could have strengthened your sentences by stating why it attracted YOU in particular- the ambient, history of the school, etc.
The second paragraph is strong because it hit specifics but you could have gone a little more in depth with your details. In other words, even though you acknowledge the connections between your interests and the school's programs, you could have specified just a little more on how ,when given access to these facilities, you could produce something wonderful. I understand the limited amount of words though so generally your essay is well written, strong reasoned, and directly answers the prompt.
God bless! I wish you the best!
