"That's the magic of Math!" - Common app

"Oh I got it!" I jumped up as the fascination hit me.
That's the magic of Math!
Math first "hit" me when I was in elementary school in China where I was fascinated by the rules of multiplication and division. When I finally figured out "Why the result is less when multiplying an integer with a fraction," I told everybody my explanation (of course everybody laughed). It was like a magic that when I finally was able to reveal the "secrets," a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction rolls in.

When I came to the U.S, despite all difficulties of adapting to the new environment, the only language that spoke to me was math. Although my English was very limited, I tried to answer every math question to the best of my abilities. My classmates often laughed at me when I spoke in broken English trying to answer the questions. Gladly, my teacher - Mr. Reijen, recognized my passion. We spent hours discussing math tricks and the "magic" behind it.

"How you did it?" I asked him open mouthed.
"Because I'm a math-magician." he answered.
"I want to be a math-magician too!" I said enthusiastically.
At the same time, I was learning more maths from different Chinese text books that my cousins sent me. Sometimes my mom and I would "debate" for hours over one question until I finally "got it."

"No! You can't do that!" my mom yelled at me.
"Why is it wrong? Look! I did this..." I argued back.
When I asked my mom few days ago why were we so into math, she simply responded, "It's fun!"
As a sophomore in high school, I took AP Statistics and it changed my view in math. Math, from another perspective, it's more about interpretation rather than application. Instead of remember the formulas and theories, I tried to understand them. Interestingly, when sometimes I'm not thinking of anything, a "random" thought would come in and I would suddenly realize the answer (sometimes even in the middle of the night). The next day, I would tell everyone- I just wanted to share - share my happiness!

I felt even more accomplished when other students understood my explanation. Once I struggled to help an ESL student to understand the quadratic formula, and when she finally said "Oh! I got it," I knew math had enlightened her. When I showed students other ways to solve the same problem, I could feel they were experiencing the fascination of this magic!

Suddenly, it was not math anymore - it was the joy of sharing.
Now as a senior, although I no longer have any math courses, math continues to be everywhere. It's amazing how math can be so closely related to Physics and Chemistry, and how more people are becoming fascinated with this magic of math. And here I am helping students in calculus, hearing "Oh! I got it!"

First of all I found this essay extremely cute. Just wanted to put that out there.
Some parts were confusing for me though.


^I don't understand how the dialogue between you and your teacher shows that math is about interpretation.


^I don't understand the ...'s


^Now this is the important part of the essay. You should write more about how you understood that maybe math is not just math but rather a tool that you can use to communicate with other people and give them hope. After all it was the only thing that you knew when you came to the states. I want to see the story build up.


^Too cool ;)

Maybe you should cut down on the dialogue a little because it makes your essay choppy. Concentrate on the purpose of your essay. You want to show the reader how you've progressed through math and ultimately came to help other people through your understanding of it.

nice comments....thanks a lot...anyone one else?

I really like your essay, there's just some grammatical mistakes like :

"Oh I got it!" I jumped up as the fascination hits me

"Why the result is less when multiplying an integer with a fraction?, "

AP Statistics

deverivative --> derivative

I felt more accomplished ever! ----> I felt even more accomplished!

You can maybe change the last sentences to this:

Now as a senior, although I don't have anymore math courses, math continues to be everywhere. It amazes how math can be so closely related with other subjects such as Physics and Chemistry, and how more people are becoming fascinated with the magic of the subject. As I see the new AP Calculus students indulge in the fascination of math, I am there helping them along the way, hearing the familiar joy in the voices of students saying, "Oh! I got it!"

i revised my last two paragraphs like this...

I felt even more accomplished when other students understood my explaination. Once I struggled to help an ESL student to understand the quadratic formula, and when she finally said "Oh! I got it," I knew math has enlightened her. When I showed students other ways to solve different problem, I could feel they are experiencing the fascination of this magic!

Suddenly, it was not math anymore - it was the joy in the process of sharing.
Now as a senior, although I don't have anymore math courses, math continues to be everywhere. It's amazing how math can be so closely related to Physics and Chemistry, and how more people are becoming fascinated with this magic of math. And here I am helping students in calculus, hearing "Oh! I got it!"

I think the dialogue should be cut.. It just makes people feel tedious.

other suggestions?

Hello,

I enjoyed reading your essay.
However, I do feel that there are too many convo lines, and it makes it less of an essay. (it's more like comic book, which is why i enjoy reading :) )

I have always thought that conversation is normally use only if it adds value to the essay. For example, when it captures the right moment, like your 'oh, i got it' and 'because i'm a math-magician' , the usage of convo is appropriate. two to three lines in the whole essay should suffice.

I suppose there is word limit. Hence, every word must count. I feel that this particular sentence "Wow, nice...Yeah, explain to the class." she agreed " does not really have much significance. Probably you can summarize by saying : she beamed at me and signalled me to share with my friends. In short, what I'm trying to say, you can describe using action verbs in your essay, rather than using too many convo lines.

Hope this helps.
Good luck.