Topic:
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
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The sun gleamed across the western horizon as I thrived to hit the cricket ball nearly out of the park. It was a perfect summer afternoon. "Ahnaf! Ahnaf!" screamed Ome, my team captain. We needed four runs to win the match. I had sent the ball dancing in distress for a six! I was having the best time of my life this summer. Playing hide and seek, badminton, soccer or maybe video games: What else could a kid like me ever wish for? I was living in paradise.
I was academically ranked 3rd of 345 people on the merit list that very year. My life could not get any better.
Well.. It didn't!
With my sudden interest in sports and games I was slacking off from studies.By the time I realized that it was too late. Our Mid-term exams were just around the corner. I studied nothing the entire vacation. My dad used to teach me math. Our family took a distinct pride at having a good hand at math. "The Math Magician", sometimes, my father used to call himself to give his teaching session a flavor of amusement.
Summer was over, so was my temporary paradise. The mid-terms exams of Grade-5 were by far the worst exam I had ever had to sit for. I had no clue about what was going on in the exam papers. Geometry problems felt like I was asked to find the diameter of the sun with nothing but an umbrella and a measuring tape. I barely managed to pull an average B in all the subjects but at math, which needed constant attention and practice, I got 44 out of 100.
Yes! I had "F" in math.I knew what was next. The math magician would be waving his wand casting his strongest spell to send me flying!
The power had gone out and I could see my dad sitting across the table in the lights of a blue-yellow flame of a candle. I handed him my report card! His face changed! I could not see his face entirely but If I had to guess I would say his face had a color of disappointment with a dark shade of sadness. He said nothing. For the first time, I had realized how silence hurts you more than words ever can.
Unlike what I thought, I was not grounded and now when I think of it I wish he did that rather than what he actually did instead. He decided to stop teaching me math. I cried more than I ever had in my life that winter. What had I done? I learnt we all have to pay the price for our failure. I studied alone that half-term. "Ahnaf! Ome's here!" used to scream my mom every other afternoon. I used to see my friends through the window of my room. I would be busy flipping through math exercises. I had to get back what I had lost. I barely could understand one chapter. I used to work on it again and again till I had I finally understood it. I would cry as I missed my dad sitting next to me, teaching me. I had promised myself to fix things. I must!
7 years have passed. I teach Grade-9 and Grade-10 math in a school now. I am a Sorcerer; at least that's what I tell my students. I claim to be flawless in Trigonometric levitation and tackling geometrical curse spells.
I had a different passion for math ever since that semester. I had an average of 74 that year in math so if you know your spells too, you would know that I got a 100% in the finals that year. My dad dropped a tear when he read my report card that winter. He had granted me his apprenticeship back. He was after all.. The math magician and I was his apprentice.
I really like your metaphors and your essay showcases a lot of your personality. I don't think you need to include that you were ranked third in your essay because it makes you sound pompous.
"Ahnaf! Ome's here!" used to scream my mom my mom screamed every other afternoon.
I barely could could barely understand one chapter.
He was after all.. the math magician and I was his apprentice.
The second sentence of your last paragraph sounds awkward. I am confused as to whether your average is a 74 because of your 100 or you worked from the 74 to 100.
Ahnaf, this is a really engrossing life story on your part. It really showed us the kind of world that you come from and how hard it was for you to have dealt with the issues stemming from your failure in class. The way you got up from your fall alone is really impressive and should be noted by any reviewer. However, I have a tiny issue with the way you wrote the essay.
I need some clarification though. The moment when you did not study anything during the entire vacation, please specify if you mean summer vacation, winter vacation, or something else. Since your parents were hoping that you would pass the test, I assume it was during the school year. Just mention with specificity, when the failure happened in order to match the latter part of the essay where you said you gave your father the winter report card, which was after you failed your math class. It is required for continuity sake in the essay.
You had made a big deal about your father not teaching math anymore after you failed. So you worked hard to redeem yourself. Did you redeem yourself for him or for yourself? The paragraph that talks of the time when you handed your father the winter report card, bring it up in the essay. Place it under the paragraph that ends with "I must!". It just feels that the paragraph about your father would fit best and serve its best purpose in that particular position.
Applying these edits should help to better prepare the essay for submission. They are minor corrections that are sure to enhance your essay. Good luck with your application :-)
Edited it.
The sun gleamed across the western horizon as I thrived to hit the cricket ball nearly out of the park. It was a perfect summer afternoon. "Ahnaf! Ahnaf!" screamed Ome, my team captain. We needed four runs to win the match. I had sent the ball dancing in distress for a six! I was having the best time of my life this summer. Playing hide and seek, badminton, soccer or maybe video games: What else could a kid like me ever wish for? I was living in paradise.
I was doing splendid academically too. My life could not get any better.
Well.. It didn't!
With my sudden interest in sports and games I was slacking off from studies. By the time I realized that it was too late. Our midterm-exams were just around the corner. I studied nothing the entire summer vacation. My dad used to teach me math. Our family took a distinct pride at having a good hand at math. "The Math Magician", sometimes, my father used to call himself to give his teaching session a flavor of amusement.
Summer was over, so was my temporary paradise. The mid-term exams of Grade-9 were by far the worst exam I had ever had to sit for. I had no clue about what was going on in the exam papers. Geometry problems felt like I was asked to find the diameter of the sun with nothing but an umbrella and a measuring tape. I barely managed to pull an average B in all the subjects but at math, which needed constant attention and practice, I got 44 out of 100.
Yes! I had "F" in math. I knew what was next. The math magician would be waving his wand casting his strongest spell to send me flying!
I still remember that night. The power had gone out and I could see my dad sitting across the table in the lights of a blue-yellow flame of a candle. I handed him my report card! His face changed! I could not see his face entirely but if I had to guess I would say his face had a color of disappointment with a dark shade of sadness. He said nothing. For the first time, I had realized how silence hurts you more than words ever can.
Unlike what I thought, I was not grounded and now when I think of it I wish he did that rather than what he actually did instead. He decided to stop giving me lessons. I cried more than I ever had in my life that winter. What had I done? I learnt we all have to pay the price for our failure. I studied alone that half-term. "Ahnaf! Ome's here!" my mom screamed every other afternoon. I used to see my friends through the window of my room. I would be busy flipping through math exercises. I had to get back what I had lost! I could barely understand one chapter. I used to work on it again and again till I had I finally understood it. I needed to prove to myself that I was better and I had promised myself to fix things. I must! I had a different passion for math ever since that semester. I learnt how you always have to work hard to keep your hopes and your loved one's expectations alive. My dad dropped a tear when he read my winter report card. I got a 100% in the finals that year!
Nearly 4 years have passed. I teach Grade-9 and 10 math in a school now. In my A-levels I got a World Highest in a unit (C12) in math. I am a Sorcerer; at least that's what I tell my students. I claim to be flawless in Trigonometric levitation and tackling geometrical curse spells. After all my dad was the math magician and I was his proud apprentice.
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Do you like it better now? Do you find my essay unique at all?
Ahnaf, I read your first and the edited version of your essay, to see the difference between the essays, I must say, you have edited it quiet well.
I just have a few remarks for the last three paragraphs of the essay.
- I handed him my report card!. ( punctuation marks serve as your feelings towards the sentences and gives the reader the feeling when they read the essay, input the necessary punctuation mark )
- I could not see his entire face entirely
- I used to work on it again and again till I had I finally understood it.
- I had a different passion for math ever since that semesterthen .
- In my A-levels I got athe Worlds Highest
- I am a Sorcerer;, at least
Ahnaf, each and every person has different ways of discipline, but yes, what your father did is, I believe, one of the most effective way to let you know where the mistake is, to let you learn on your own and teach yourself how to be independent and prove that you can do it no matter what.
With perseverance and dedication to your passion, you can get to where you want to be.
Going back to your essay, as much as you want to have the essay entertaining as possible, you have to be careful in using your punctuation marks, make sure that they don't change the thoughts and ideas you want to convey to your readers.
Thank you again. You have been a great help.
Do you find my story unique? Or just like those any other failure essays?
