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Magnificent and intricate structure of a cell


sar1993 2 / -  
Mar 1, 2011   #1
UBC supplemental application prompt 2
Describe and evaluate one experience that significantly influenced your academic goals.
Sorry for putting this in a reply, i wrote this after i posted the above one >< any advice on both these essays will be greatly appreciated

When I first gazed through the eyepiece lens of a microscope to observe simple cells taken from my very own cheek, I was simply amazed. How could such minute structures be the functional units of life? At that moment my love for the biological side of science was born. As the years passed I learned more and more, and then I came upon the DNA. Possessing the instructions for making a complete organism, from bacteria to us humans, DNA was the blueprint of life. My appreciation for the wonders of life keeps increasing every day, and I hope to somehow improve life, participate in medicinal research or help to unlock more about the mysteries of life.

From the day I first discovered the magnificent and intricate structure of a cell, I have been gripped with curiosity about the workings of life. I dream to one day be a part of research involving biochemistry, or even discover something new myself. Being given the chance to be accepted into the Bachelor of Science program, I will be one step closer to obtaining my dream.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 3, 2011   #2
Sorry for putting this in a reply, i wrote this after i posted the above one >< any advice on both these essays will be greatly appreciated

That's okay! But in the future, please start a new thread for each essay.

This second essay you wrote is pretty strong. It shows your intelligence... but I think you can do better. You can let this discussion progress into a discussion of books and articles you are now reading as an extended result of that experience. Show that you are reading journal articles and books. :-)

The last sentence is not really very helpful. It is a statement of the obvious. Just have a great day, and wait for a perfect replacement sentence to come to mind.
ccollins 1 / 2  
Mar 4, 2011   #3
I think you clearly make your point and use a personal experience to convey it. But try to avoid statements that would blend you into all the other people applying for example the sentence "My appreciation...the mysteries of life" could be tweaked some more.

Also I think if you developed your experience more, it would give your response a little more depth.
Other than that I think you have a very organized and easy to follow response :)
Good luck and I hope this helped!


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