Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Hey guys I really need you help me on this essay. It is too long so I really need to cut it down. Thank you!
The maid
"A whole stack of dishes? Oh no, not again! Not tonight!" said I in a whining voice.
"Mom, do you know how laborious I am? I have Math and Physics tomorrow. And the SAT is still ahead..." I grumbled, not daring to let my thought be known.
15 minutes later, half of the stack was still there as if it wanted to be there to tease the miserable girl. Unable to restrain myself, I cried at the top of my voice: "MOM, why don't you hire a maid?"
The next day, sitting on an overcrowded bus, I hardly breathed in even a bit of oxygen. I've always been a martinet with a habit of organizing things in my head. But this time the preparation was not so appealing since all I foresaw was a picture of the ever-growing stack. Frowning faintly, I leant on the bus' window and dropped asleep.
"What happened? Am I dreaming? The dishes...They're all clean!" I was frightened looking at the sink.
"It's Huong, our new maid. I hired her this morning." my mother said from behind.
"Mom, that's just great!" I was happy to know that I could finally save much of my precious time.
The other day, I was home earlier and by chance, I met the maid. She was now in charge of the job which I was supposed to do while I was enjoying my dinner. The kitchen room was unnecessarily quiet. Suddenly she asked me, in an accent of a boor: "So which class are you in?"
I was too surprised at the question though quick and calm reaction to surprise was supposed to be my strength in class' debates or presentations in which I played the MC part. "Eleventh", shortly I answered.
"So you're just one year younger than my son. He's a senior now and will be taking the college entrance exam in only a few months"
"That's good! How's he doing?"
"Thank you! He's fine. He's a good son who always cares about his family. That's why he still engages in the farming while studying for the exam..."
"Field work and study? At the same time?" I amazedly asked, being aware that the college entrance exam is the toughest exam in my country which requires constant cram. "What about his father, your husband I mean? What's he doing?"
"My husband is a wounded soldier. After war, he lost his right arm and was considered losing 60% of labor ability by the government. Thus, he can no longer plough and harrow. He's only doing some light duties at home. My other child is only 7."
...Yet we Hanoian teenagers easily take that for granted. In our world, study means exemption from everything else. Even I am now...
"My son has been excellent student for 12 successive years. Since we're in rural area, our entire hamlet has only 2 students like him." she said with high pride. "But my son merely knows anything about English and IT. That's what I'm most worrying about."
"A 10-year-old Hanoian kid is sure to be used to these 2 tasks", I thought, smiling as if I had pointed a weakness of my adversary in a usual debate.
"I've been telling him to learn those 2 things for years. In my hamlet, for example, there's a boy at the same age as my son. He learned English himself and moved to Hanoi to be a tour guide. Every month he sends his family an amount of 2 million dong. That's beyond belief!"
There was no answer from me. I rushed upstairs and was caught by my mother's eyes.
"So you met her? I saw her on the streets as a scrap-iron dealer. I suggested her being our maid to earn some more money..."
"How much do you pay her?"
"20,000 dong each time. She also comes every Saturday to do other chores."
"Only 20,000 dong?", I asked naively.
My mother didn't answer. As I recalled it might be due to the salary of a primary school teacher which prevented her from doing so.
From that moment, the two words "college" and "independence" kept echoing inside my head. Nevertheless, in a world of a pragmatist, future is just an illusion. I live for every second of present. Hence, I would soon be back with homework, with the senior year event and the woman's image would soon disappear from my head...until a few weeks later.
Still on the overcrowded bus, I was again thinking about what to do next but the idea of the dishes had long been discarded from my to-do list. Coincidentally looking out of the window, I was startled to see a familiar look of a small woman bearing a heavy shoulder pole. The woman wiped her sweat away with her sleeve and sighed exhaustedly. Realizing that she's the maid, I quickly get off the bus and followed her. She headed to her home. This time, I was completely shocked.
"This can't be a house. With only 10m2, this "house" is even smaller than my bathroom", I uttered.
The room was divided into 2 smaller parts. The woman went into the inner part, which was probably the kitchen. I stood at the outer part, which was separated with the other part by an old curtain. There was nothing but a small bed and a bicycle. My watches stroke 7 p.m. My family must have finished dinner by now. This meant she only had a few minutes left to have her own meal, a rushing meal.
"There's no electricity? This can't be real! How could it be, in the mid of the 21th century, right here in the capital of a developing Vietnam, there a person living without electricity? How, especially, on earth can a woman live in this place alone?" I repeatedly asked myself, too startled to figure out that there was only a battery to run a neon lamplight.
On the small bed, a neatly handwritten letter struck me with its first line "Dear, son". Recalling the conversation I had with her the other day, I couldn't but read that letter, though however guilty I felt.
"Dear, son
You'd better keep track of the time my little son because you're about to take the final exam within only 3 weeks. Just do your best! Dad and I strongly believe in you. And don't worry about me. I'm fine..."
There was a soft cough from the kitchen.
"Don't you ever forget to focus and review all the lessons everyday? And you shouldn't think too much about college tuition either. I promise I'll do whatever it takes to make your dream come true as long as you keep moving forward. I know my son and I believe that he won't let me down. You will take the exam on the 8th June, won't you? I'll try my best to be home on 7th to help do the field work. Just stay calm, my son!"
I couldn't read any more. My eyes grew dim with tears. Rushing out, I wiped my tears away. That night I couldn't sleep at all.
The woman really sacrificed all for her son: youth, beauty, social status... without any complaints. And maybe so do my parents. Although doing in many ways, both she and my parents are trying for one thing: love. The woman's love is rewarded by her son's achievement. Yet what did I do to repay my parents' kindness? I realized how selfish I had been living only to enjoy the present but forget to prepare for a bigger thing: the future. All the achievements, grades and other activities will be fruitless if I don't truly respect many little things that make up this life. College had never been that clear to me and never intimidated me that much.
Many days after, I didn't see her. However, one thing had changed. I decided to skip my breakfast and to save all my pocket money. Every Friday night however late it was, I tried to stay up to do a little chore. This would help the maid still get the same money without having to do a great deal of workload. I even intend to use all my savings to buy a new computer and an English learning book for her son right after he receives the result at the end of this June. Then I will put them all in a box which I enclose a few lines:
"Please jut accept them as a gift. You really deserve it. You're a very lucky man because you have a wonderful mother who always tries hard for you. Please respect her and all her sacrifices for you and remember to try your best whatever difficulties you may encounter in life. Your secret admirer."
That is all I intend to do in the near future. But for now, as the maid has returned to her home to help her son, there is one thing left for me: washing the dishes. Gazing at the sink, I realize that soon when it comes to college life in a foreign country, I'll be just like the maid. I'll have to live alone and will also have to wash up the dishes, but this time it's for earning a living. Still I break into a smile and whisper to myself "Thank you, Ms. Huong" as I know I've learned a lesson of life thanks to her. I'm no longer afraid of college life because I know for sure that I always have my family beside me, as the maid has her son. Though it won't be easy in the years to come, I can honestly say I'm ready to face all the challenges. My parents are waiting for me to repay them when they get old and my little sister needs my care. That's the motivation for me to keep moving forward.
hardly breathed in even a bit of oxygen.
Wow... alright, right here I really sat forward in my chair and took notice. I'm in the presence of greatness. :-)
As I recall, it might have been her limited salary as a primary school teacher that prevented her from doing so.---I fixed this sentence.
My watches
stroke My watch showed that it was 7 p.m. My family must have finished dinner by now. This meant...
"Dear Son,
You'd better keep track ...
2 words "every day"
"Don't you ever forget to focus and review all the lessons every day?
Okay, this is great. I just don't like the fact that it portrays you in a negative way all throughout the essay, until the very end...
I would like to see what happens if you put the last 2 paragraphs way up near the beginning of the essay and figure out a different conclusion. I really like those last 2 paragraphs, and I think the story should be told in a non-chronological order so that those 2 paragraphs can be seen early in the reading process.
:-) nice job!!!
