Here's the subject
Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.
As you review my application, there is something that I would like the admission staff to know. I have recently been diagnosed with ADD inattentive type, a disorder which has caused me trouble at school and life in general. Even though I have maintained a fairly decent grade point average, it is not as high as I would like it to be. It was always a goal of mine to have a perfect or near perfect GPA, but my condition has prevented me from achieving my full potential. Before, my diagnosis, I was left frustrated in my inability to focus in class and in my work outside of school. There were also times when I would study hours for a test, only to receive a grade that I was not satisfied with. I have stayed hours before and after school to see my teachers in hopes of fixing my problem, but that only helped to a limited extent. The thing that frustrated me the most was no matter how hard I worked, I was never satisfied with the grades I received. During a visit with my guidance counselor, I was advised to see a doctor. It was at this point where I learned that I might have a learning disability. After receiving tests, I was told by my doctor that I most likely had ADD. Initially this was difficult to take, mostly because I felt that I was making excuses for myself. However, I accepted my doctors offer to receive medications to aid me, which turned out to be the right decision. I have noticed the effects almost immediately when it comes to life in and outside of school. It was as if I have been in a dark basement for all my life, and now I finally received light to make thing easier. I am happy to say that this term I have received excellent grades so far and I anticipate an upward trend of my GPA for the remainder of the year. As for my goals, I have high aspirations for myself. As of right now, my main interest of study is in psychology, mostly because I find the human mind absolutely fascinating. Ever since I was a small child, I was always interested in the reason why people did things. Because of my interest, I have decided that I would like to pursue a doctorate degree in psychology after I'm done with my undergraduate studies. I am looking forward to working extremely hard to reach my goal, and if I am fortunate enough to be accepted into your fine University I would like you to know that I will work as hard, if not harder, as anyone.
I think that you can cut out your first sentence altogether & just get right into the heart of your story.
You use the phrase "mostly because" a couple of times, so you might want to change some of these to just "because" to add word variety. I think you should say "psychology, because I find the.."
I don't think you should say "your fine University." It's kind of corny. Cute, but corny nonetheless.
I hope my comments helped!
