Prompt #1 (transfer applicants)
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Choose a topic for each essay.
Look critically at the information in your application: your grades, awards, activities and work experience, family and income. Anticipate questions an admissions evaluator will have after reading your application. The personal statement is your opportunity to answer those questions.
Note: Hi, this is the first draft of my UC personal statement for prompt#1.I plan to apply for economics major after transferring to UC Riverside. I appreciate anyone here who can help me make a correction for my grammar errors and suggestions to improve my essay.
My current situation:
GPA:3.65 , but I have had 6 "W" on transcript.(2 "W" for calculus 2,1"W" on macroeconomics, 1 "W" on Chemistry(retake with "B"),1 "W" on engineering physics,1" W" on last English writing class required for transferring)
2 years investment experience
1 year working experience in a book store
Plan transfer to UC riverside, economics major
Why I want to major in economics?
The major I am planning to take is economics after transferring to UC riverside. The economics is the study of making choice and making the standard of living better. "Right choices" and "wrong choices" make different results on economy. When economy is healthy, the price of assets has the tendency to increase. The unemployed rate is low. Most people have steady salaries and happy lives. Healthy economy is based on "right choices" such as the government applies the proper fiscal policy. During the financial crisis period, people feel unhappy after experiencing the price cut of family assets and lowered personal incomes. Poor economy is based on "wrong choices" such as the excessive speculation. Current financial crisis is a best example to show that the excessive speculation in real estate crushes the economy of U.S since the summer of 2007. It is the most serious financial crisis since great depression in 1929. For example, Lehman Brothers, a financial-services firm which had 158 years history was failing in 2008.Even though the schedule of a financial crisis is unknown, "right choices" on economy will diminish the negative impacts of a financial crisis. The U.S congress had passed the bailout package of $700 billion last year to make the economy start becoming steady and having a slow recovery now. I am planning to take economics major is because it has closed relationship with the standard of living. I want to apply knowledge learned from this major to make others, society, country "feel happy" (to improve the standard of living). For example, as an economist, I can suggest others to make a "right choice". I really feel sad when I see people who become homeless after losing their houses and jobs due to the financial crisis and "wrong choices". Making others feel happy through job related to economics is my biggest favor. The investment activity I have done in past 2 years deepens my belief to study economics.
My dad has a low income because his English is poor. He does not know about investment. He concerns about his retirement benefit due to low amount of paid social security tax. I understand his "pain". I decide to help him by applying the successful operation experience in investment and the basic knowledge I have got in economics from my previous investment activity in China. I put his savings into investment. From past 2 years, the financial market did not perform well in most time until the recover which began in March, 2009. But I make my father feel comfortable when I end up with my investment activity. The company that makes me proud is a solar company. I take it because both Chinese and U.S government have made announcements to support renewable energy. President Obama believes that renewable energy industry will create "green jobs". Chinese government has said that China will consume 20GW solar panels in 2020. In addition, the company's finance is healthy. The company has positive cash flow and lower debt rate. Moreover, the company grows fast by looking its annual revenue year to year. Finally, I bought the stock when the share price was cheap by looking the company's P/E and book value. There is a deficiency from this case that my return is reduced by 50% from the maxim return because I miss taking care about the oversupply and fast profit dropping during introductory phase of solar panels in current time. These negative factors slide the share price of the solar companies.
After doing the activity, I learn that economics is very important to the standard of our lives. Making others feel comfortable through works relate to economics let me confirm that I am suiting for economics. This is the reason I withdraw my physics 4A class. Additionally, knowledge is the strength. I realized that the deficiency I have made proves that I will have a long way to chase my economics major. Also, I have learned that "better prepared" is the key to make less deficiency and high-level standing works. So when I found that I cannot suit for the teach style of the professor to make me "better prepared" for the future, I dropped class like math181, Business 1A. Sometimes it is very important to "cut loss". After talking a lot and doing activity relates to economics, I strongly believe that I will be better prepared for serving others in the future after graduation from UC riverside.
I am planning to take economics major is because it has closed relationship with the standard of living.
Everything before that sentence almost sounds unnecessary. Grammatical errors are all over the place. ++Stating facts about the economy does not show why you want to major in it.
The investment activity I have done in past 2 years deepens my belief to study economics.
What investment activity???
You should elaborate more on your second paragraph... You can introduce readers to your father's financial issues due to his lack of economic knowledge. Then you can write about the significant studies you learned in your Econ/Business classes, and how these studies allowed you to help your father.
Please, exclude unnecessary information about you withdrawing from your physics class and other random issues : |
After doing the activity, I learn that economics is very important to the standard of our lives. Making others feel comfortable through works relate to economics let me confirm that I am suiting for economics.
This is the reason I withdraw my physics 4A class. Additionally, knowledge is the strength.
I think this section has potential, and you should elaborate more on that.
I'd say your GPA is fine enough to get into UCR :) , but your essay definitely needs more work : ( .