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'majoring in biochemistry beneficial to me' -UC Transfer Applicant Personal Statement

timmmypang 1 / -  
Aug 26, 2012   #1
So I started with this rough draft of my personal statement. Would greatly appreciate some tips or advise for improvements and such. Thanks :)

PROMPT 1: What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

After finally graduating from high school as "Class of 2010" and being a college freshman, I was suddenly left pondering over what I was going to do next. As a college freshman, I was lost and confused over what I was going to major in and what I was going to pursue in the future. Encountering this challenge, I saw this as an opportunity of experiencing a new chapter in my life and finding out what I truly wanted to pursue in my future years.

Graduating from the high school, California Academy of Math and Science, I was without a doubt already intrigued in the subjects of math and science. So, I decided to load up on math and science classes. During that year, I grew a very strong passion in the subject of chemistry. From the making of new compounds, to the mixing of various chemicals to generate surprising reactions, it was just fascinating! I even participated in a volunteering event called Space Science Day, where I performed chemistry demos to little kids and young teenagers. However, despite my great passion for the subject, I still felt like I wanted something more.

Finishing up my freshman year of college, I was now entering my half mark of studies at my community college. During this year, the subject of biology also fascinated me. Why? Well the biology classes were just as exciting as the chemistry classes. From looking at live microscopic organisms to dissecting a fetal pig, biology was something I could see myself studying in the long run. In fact, during sophomore year, I invested some of my time into volunteering at a hospital. Here, I got to apply some of the things I learned, such as looking through microscopes and sorting out different medical samples at the outpatient pharmacy. Also, to me, biology is a subject that goes well with chemistry. The study of life all around us combined with the study of matter and its composition, structure, and properties are subjects I found to be valuable to explore and pursue a career in.

About halfway of my sophomore year of college, it suddenly dawned on me that majoring in biochemistry would be most beneficial to me. And I am proud to say that after going through rigorous coursework and volunteering at several organizations, I am no longer the lost, confused freshman student. I will be a biochemistry major, and I say this with the utmost confidence.
Yoh 2 / 6  
Aug 29, 2012   #2
Overall your personal statement looks good. I think you could explain further more about the Space Science day.
first word of the 6th sentence in 3rd paragraph : "Here", i got to apply some of the things i learned."

i think it would be better to use "Where, i got to apply some of the things i learned.

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