Choose an issue of importance to you-it could be personal, school-related, local, political or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community or your generation.
For the majority of my life, I underestimated the importance of physical health. From the ages of about seven to eighteen, I struggled with my weight, which impacted my life in a lot of different negative ways. My eating habits were negligent and I was essentially inactive. Because of this unhealthy routine, I was tired, anxious, and fatigued almost all of the time.
When I was eighteen, I realized that I had no control over myself and that my weight was holding me back from fulfilling the life that I knew I wanted for myself. I let my impulses control me on a daily basis which was unhealthy both physically and mentally. Being overweight led me to feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin and because of this, I let my insecurities hold me back from countless experiences that I would have loved to participate in. Every time I turned down an opportunity because I didn't feel comfortable, it made me more anxious and aware of the fact that my vices were completely governing my entire existence. I finally reached a point where I realized that I had to overcome this mess before it started to affect my future.
The process of losing sixty pounds took about six months of me training my body to choose healthier options and exercise daily. At first, it was very difficult to stick to a routine because results were nowhere near immediate. It was always very hard for me to imagine waiting weeks to see progress, until people started to notice. Once this happened, it became easier for me to look in the mirror and make comparisons to where I was even just a week prior. The notice of physical changes was accompanied by mental changes as well. I felt happier and freer than ever before and my anxiety when it came to social situations was virtually non-existent.
Physical health is very important to me because I believe that it is a primary Segway into the health of mentality and outlook, which is the foundation for a happier life. When you exercise routinely and make valuable diet choices, you are exerting control over yourself, which can help in other aspects of life. For instance, in a professional environment employees are expected to maintain a positive and professional demeanor, which can surely be challenging in difficult situations. Social and financial control are also very valuable attributes to hold as well. In addition to this, when you have a healthy mentality, you also generally have a better grasp of your own self worth. Self worth is important because it can lead to a drive for success no matter the scope of the goal. Feeling empowered by yourself is an effective way of motivating yourself to achieving set goals.
The reason I want to participate in the Athletic training program at the University of Texas is so that I can take the path to becoming a sports medicine doctor. Physical activity and sports are a great way to build character and I want to be the person that makes sure athletes are in peak physical condition to do what they love. While tearing an MCL or ACL can be season-ending for an athlete, it does not mean that the injury has to be career ending. I have always been a huge fan of sports and I have the utmost respect and admiration for athletes who push the boundaries of what the human body is physically capable of. I want to be a part of the process of ensuring that these individuals have the strength that they need to avoid irreversible damage on their bodies.
Any feedback on this essay would be great! Thank you.
Hello Morgan :)
From the ages of about seven to eighteen
I would ike to suggest to ommit the word "about"in this sentence
Every time I turned down
an opportunities because ...
...Athletic training program at the University of Texas is so that I can take the path to..
I think you can change for something like: I am willing to take the path... or I would like to take the path...
Another word to express this is something you want and have planned before.... not just one last minute choice.
About your content, I really enjoyed while i read. I think you expresses very well your feelings and readers can be empathic with your emotions.
Great story!! Congrats :)
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,540 3448
Morgan, the essay is really very prompt responsive on a personal level. The only problem is that it tends to run bit long in some instances. So you should focus on combining paragraphs and removing unnecessary information in order to present a more cohesive and coherent discussion of the topic. While the essay already accomplishes that now, it can be made even clearer and more definitive with a little more editing.
I would start with combining paragraphs one and two. I suggest that you keep the first paragraph but omit the reference to the ages in the middle of the paragraph. That is because you want to deliver a serious and contemplative tone to the reviewer, without having him concentrate on any particular age on your part. All that is important is that he knows you struggled with these thoughts for some time. It is enough to say "I struggled with my weight then at the age of 18..." Bringing the mention of the age at a more opportune time works best for the paragraph and strengthens the presentation.
By the way, make sure to always spell the words properly. "Segway" is a motor transport device with "segue" means to transition. Which is what you wanted to say in the sentence. Remove the reference to social and financial control because those do no directly relate to your health issues. You should also remove the last paragraph because that is information not being asked for in the essay. Therefore, including it will change the focus of the discussion and somewhat confuse the reviewer. Just stick the information required by the prompt. The reviewers hate it when unwarranted information is found in the essays. Try to come up with a different closing statement instead. One that ties in more with the previous discussions in the essay.