Tell me what you think? No need to sugar-coat ;)
Born from two post-hippie-era vagabonds, my mind was opened to unique and unconventional ideas from the start. One a musician, the other an artist, it is no wonder I ended up being named after a color. I'd like to think "Bleue" suits me: easy-going, neither overly intense nor flashy; even-keeled, neither incandescent nor in-your-face bold; and introspective, but neither shy nor reticent.
My parent's marriage didn't last but a few years, so my younger sister, Saige, and I were raised by my mother. We never had a lot of money, but we wanted for little, primarily because my mom made ends meet no matter what so that we wouldn't know the difference. It's from this experience that I believe I found grounding, a humbling situation that gave me a more mature outlook on life. My mother set her own needs aside until we were well on our way, and now she's in college setting the example, once again, for us.
My father, who now lives in Boston, Massachusetts, was originally from Scotland. Because of this, a lot of my family lives in Europe, giving me opportunities to travel the world at a young age. Traveling to the British Isles has given me some insight into the larger world we inhabit and has broadened my perspective. It has also prepared me for my planned, post-High School journey, a summer backpacking abroad, on my own, something I've saved for and planned since I was a little girl.
Given a chance and the right tools, I believe I can make a contribution to the world. The drive being, namely, discovery. I want to understand the world around me. I love math and science, not to the exclusion of other things, but most of all I want to know how and why things work. There is a sense of adventure that draws me in; it drives me to solve an equation, contrive an answer, and observe how that answer affects the over-all idea. This curiosity has helped me to succeed in these courses, and will further aid me to accomplish great things at your school. I am fascinated by such things, and if I have a talent, it lies here.
As a person, I'm a bit of an iconoclast. I come by it honestly, though; it's hard-wired in me. Genetic. Oh, not without exception, of course; but generally that's the case, whether in music, literature, dress, or art. It's not because I seek to be unconventional or eccentric, after all, that would be pretty predictable at my age; but it's because I just seem to see things a little differently than others. I question things, everything. I don't accept what others say or believe without scrutiny.
My philosophy of life is simple, really: make the best of it. This is the life we know; it's the only one we will have. What is more, as the English poet John Donne said, "No man is an island." I believe this to be true. We depend on others and they depend on us. Very simply, we are social animals.
No doubt I could bore you with many more other musings from my teenage mind, but the most important thing I can convey is this: I will do great things at your school. If admitted, I will work hard, harder than I ever have before, and I will finish and go on to do graduate work. I will make sure there will be no regrets for giving me this chance. Why am I so special, then? Perhaps I'm not, not now, anyway. However, I know I will be a lot more special if I am allowed to acquire the knowledge I need. First things first, though.
Hello!
Your essay is really interesting and the first paragraph is great. I especially like sentence: I'd like to think "Bleue" suits me: easy-going, neither overly intense nor flashy; even-keeled, neither incandescent nor in-your-face bold; and introspective, but neither shy nor reticent.
But overall, I think your essay is too scattered. You have several ideas going on at once, but it would be best to focus on one aspect of your world and expand on that.
Personally, I think this part would make for an interesting essay:
Because of this, a lot of my family lives in Europe, giving me opportunities to travel the world at a young age. Traveling to the British Isles has given me some insight into the larger world we inhabit and has broadened my perspective.
You could give an anecdote and expand further on how these experiences have shaped your aspirations/dreams.
Also, the last three paragraphs are somewhat random in comparison to the rest of your essay. Although they do relate to who you are as a person, they do not connect to the world you come from or your aspirations/dreams.
Good luck!
