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Make a Difference" - Georgetown - Short Essay Summer Activity


GoldSwimmer 2 / 5  
Oct 25, 2009   #1
Hey so the topic is:

Discuss the significance to you of the school or summer activity in which you have been most involved.

and basically I have two questions, how long is a short essay and does this sound good?

On October 24th each year, across the country, Americans choose to "Make a Difference". I, however, have a goal in life to "Make a Difference", everyday. There are many moments in my life of which I am proud, but the most significant would be my experiences in Student Leadership as an Associated Student Body (ASB) Activities Coordinator and ASB President of Wenatchee High School (WHS). Many schools narrow their ASB's focus for the year on primary events such as Homecoming or Prom. While such events are essential high school experiences, they exist for only seven out of 180 days. At my school, the other 173 days are just as valuable. During these everyday but crucial moments, I break free of my comfort zone to make an impact on my community, my school, and myself.

For twelve years, WHS has showcased the Janice Franz Memorial Talent Show, a fundraiser for a community member with cancer. This past year the Jedlow family was chosen due to multiple terminal illness cases in the family. In previous years the record of raising $16,000 seemed unbeatable, but after hearing their tragic story in person I knew this year we had to do better. Inspired by this family's story and my need to serve and help others, I personally hand-wrote 200 letters to local businesses asking for donations, personally raising over $4,000. By adding personal details that inspired the community and WHS, our ASB was able to gift over $24,000 to the Jedlows, despite the recession. This revealed to me the potential I have to make a difference and how hard I am willing to work in order to achieve a goal. The sight of the Jedlows' tearing eyes and smiles is all the satisfaction we needed to know we did something special.

On a smaller scale, I have worked at making a difference with little things, such as greeting people every morning at the door, bringing cookies for a random class and learning students' and staff members' names. Here, there are no physical rewards, but the intangible ones I receive make every moment worthwhile. In fact, the other day, I received one of the most touching letters in my life from a person who I barely knew. A blind girl named Ali told me, despite being in a school of over 2,000 kids, she rarely is talked too and feels lost and alone. She informed me that although every day is a struggle to continue, when she wakes up she looks forward to the few seconds when "Good Morning! Have a great day", rings out from my mouth at the entrance to school everyday. My simple gesture makes a meaningful impact on her life and brightens up the lives of many others. Moments like these are the reason I strive to improve everyday. Making differences like these are why I choose to serve others.
linmark /  
Oct 26, 2009   #2
I think you should just focus on the most meaningful experience and elaborate on its significance to you i.e. the Homecoming. You are limited to 150 words.
OP GoldSwimmer 2 / 5  
Oct 26, 2009   #3
Okay I am currently trying to rework it so it has more of a theme. Are you sure about the 150 words because that is tiny!!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 30, 2009   #4
Wow, excellent! You did choose a great topic, but you can answer the question better at the start and end. the end is kind of abrupt. Can you give one more paragraph to reflect?

How long a short essay should be depends on the school. Essays are a form of art, no rules except the ones imposed by the artist.

Make a connection between this work and your aspirations. How does this connect with your college aspirations, professional plans, purpose in life?
linmark /  
Oct 31, 2009   #5
This essay is much better than your first one. I think it can exceed 150 words for Georgetown (got it confused with the common app short essay) but short probably means less than a page. You could get straight to the point in your opening without reiterating the question/prompt. It's a lot of filler to get to the meat (in red):

On October 24th each year, across the country, Americans choose to "Make a Difference". I, however, have a goal in life to "Make a Difference", everyday. There are many moments in my life of which I am proud, but the most significant would be my experiences in Student Leadership as an Associated Student Body (ASB) Activities Coordinator and ASB President of Wenatchee High School (WHS). Many schools narrow their ASB's focus for the year on primary events such as Homecoming or Prom. While such events are essential high school experiences, they exist for only seven out of 180 days. At my school, the other 173 days are just as valuable. During these everyday but crucial moments, I break free (GO BEYOND THE NORM) of my comfort zone (MAKE AN EXTRA EFFORT??) to make an impact on my community, my school, and myself.

You could strengthen the ending i.e. "Moments like these are the reason I strive to improve everyday. Making differences like these are why I choose to serve others." DO YOU MEAN STRIVE TO IMPROVE THE DIFFERENCE YOU MAKE? This is a worthy cause - and a good link to Kevin's suggestion - "Make a connection between this work and your aspirations. How does this connect with your college aspirations, professional plans, purpose in life?"
OP GoldSwimmer 2 / 5  
Oct 31, 2009   #6
Thank you for the advice Kevin and linmark.


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