Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
As I unpack for my new room, I'll probably consider my personal computer--hopefully a quad core by then--my most valuable possession and my laptop, a portable... vocab inferior copy/version, a close runner-up. What appears to be a colorful, almost disorienting array on my computer desktop is actually a collection of essays, poems, and reports I have written since middle school, categorized into different subjects and styles and grouped into larger folders by grade, and of small word documents bookmarking interesting websites, listing important dates, and at random intervals inserting bits and pieces of unrelated but thought-provoking ideas that I could implement or perhaps, depending on their quality and my personal preference, force into my next analysis paper. I reserve the top-right corner for various videos that I accumulate and recycle over time, some educational, others not so much, ranging anywhere from a complex explanation of gene replication to the credits soundtrack for an anime series--though a handful are discovery, animal planet, and national geographic videos(speaking of which, animal planet has made me to consider getting a pet leopard gecko, so be prepared for a potential mini-companion); near the bottom-right corner is a unconspicous, unnamed folder housing puzzle and strategy games that I could indulge myself in occasionally amidst heavy studying. This large, personalized arrangement is not a result of hours in front of the computer, but rather, years of gradual and painless build-up. Unfortunately, this order on my desktop--which is certainly more prevalent than on my physical, paper-strewn one-- does not entirely reflect my daily habits; I hope you won't mind the occasional lone shirt or sock lying in the corner of the room or under your bed. And being prone to late-night sessions, I hope you won't mind too much dim lights past bed time. I will find room in my bags for a deck of cards (or two) and a WeiQi board and stones. I would love and will not miss an opportunity to cheer for the school football team or walk out on an unanimous friends' outing, but a close game of WeiQi or a drawn-out Big 2 mini-tournament and the ensuing head-throbbing euphoria is certainly just as satisfying, especially when it comes with victory--hopefully you are familiar with either of those games; if not, I could teach you (they are worth learning). I'll try to fit in my ski equipment; you can count on me stabbing at every chance to steal to the slopes. If possible, I'll ask my parents to send me my electrotone and saxophone, and I can show you a few new songs I have been working on. On a final note, I enjoy academic conversations and like to bring in witty comments every now and then; let's see who can make the other smile--don't make me feign laugher. Let's see who would be the first the make the other a close friend.
I know this is over the word limit, and some of it is just rant. I'm prepared to shorten or rewrite certain sections, but unsure of how to do this. Don't hold back on brutal critiquing! Please help! =)
You do a good job of describing yourself, but a lot of your sentences are run-ons and lists.
I think you could break this sentence up into two or three.
"What appears to be a colorful, almost disorienting array on my computer desktop is actually a collection of essays, poems, and reports I have written since middle school, categorized into different subjects and styles and grouped into larger folders by grade, and of small word documents bookmarking interesting websites, listing important dates, and at random intervals inserting bits and pieces of unrelated but thought-provoking ideas that I could implement or perhaps, depending on their quality and my personal preference, force into my next analysis paper."
