Hi guys I would really appreciate it if u cud give me feedback on my essay like any grammar mistakes and structure. I wanna know if this essay is interesting.
It was halftime and my team was losing by twenty points. The moral was as low as it could possibly get. The star player of our team got injured in the first quarter and even my coach who encouraged us to keep on playing gave up. Not to mention it was the championship game and whoever won had bragging rights for an entire year.
Knowing we would lose, the coach put me in to start the second half. Before the time started, I huddled up with my teammates. I just told them not to look at the score and give it your one-hundred percent and we will win this game. From my part it was a very desperate move but it was the only thing I could do as a player to get my teammates spirits up. The second half started and to my amazement and everyone's amazement we were playing like a different team. The defensive chemistry we lacked in the first half came to life in the second half. And in the game of basketball, a good defense leads to a good offense. It only seemed like two minutes but in fact there was only fifteen seconds left on the clock and we were only losing by two points. The desperate speech I gave to my teammates actually worked and we were just one three point shot away from becoming champions. My coach quickly called a time out and began drawing up a play for our shooting guard to make the game winning three point shot. The referee blew the whistle and the coach told me to throw the ball in. The ball was in my hands and my teammates began to run the play but I saw no one open to pass to. The time was ticking away and I just passed the ball to the nearest teammate. The ball hit my teammate's thigh and came back to me. I looked at the clock with only three seconds left, I just shot the ball. As soon as the ball left my hand, I knew it was in. The swish sound the ball made as it made contact with the net was the best sound I had ever heard. The ball dropped to the ground and the celebration began.
This victory did more than make me the M.V.P. of the game; it made me realize what it means to never give up. After this game, I never see anything as impossible because I know if I put my mind to it and if I put one-hundred percent, I can conquer anything.
Thanks.
Hey this is an interesting essay.
A couple of things. Make sure never to start a sentence with and (And in the game of basketball, a good defense leads to a good offense.).
Also, you switch tenses in this sentence going from past tense to present tense. (After this game, I never see anything as impossible because I know if I put my mind to it and if I put one-hundred percent, I can conquer anything.)
Hope that helps!
Cassie
Thank you for ur feedback. It helped alot. One question, how do I stay consistent on the tenses?
If you want to be consistent on the tenses, you should think of time. If you are telling a story, so that it is absolutely in past tense, no matter what. But basically, the grammar doesn't matter, so just use the past tense to write about your story. It would make sense.
I enjoyed the story, and it seems very frank and direct, which is good. What I'm not too sure about is just the last few lines, because I'm sure that you can come up with a better lesson than "not giving up." For example, you can conclude with some more about that "desperate speech" you made.
Thanks for the help.
