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''Why did they make you our teacher, you are a kid yourself ''; Extra-curricular activity


DeppX 6 / 15 2  
Oct 26, 2013   #1
** Briefly Elaborate one of your extra-circular activities or work experience (250 words)
It is 277 words but need to cut it down to 250 .. and my friends tell me that grammar is terrible. Can someone help me on the grammar please. The deadline is coming up in a few days. Thanks in Advance !

My first day experience with the 4th graders of our literacy school was rather unexpected. With almost 50 pair of eyes staring at me with awe and despair, I found myself quite perplexed. I was assigned to be their English teacher.

''Why did they make you our teacher, you are a kid yourself '' dazed by such astute objection, I replied ''I am here to be friends''. It didn't take me long to realize how true I was. At the age of twelve I imagined myself riding a roller-coaster or playing cricket 24/7. I was restive. But never, not in my consciousness, I would dream of pulling a rickshaw or scavenging in garbage in search of food. The kids sitting in front of me, do I just call them unfortunate, for my childhood nightmares are their resigned reality?

I spent the last four years teaching at two literacy schools. I take solace in their curious gaze and temperate persona. All the disputes I deal with and rancor I bear seem to fade when I find myself surrounded by my beloved friends. Rakib, a boy from my class, loves to hear about the moon and the sun. So, I share with him astronomical facts. Maya, a girl who loves to sing. So, I listen to her humming 'twinkle twinkle little stars'. What I am today is a blend of hundreds like Rakib and Maya. No, it is not my duty neither do I see myself as a savior of humanity. But I feel blessed being a harbinger of smile to the kids who strive to find it. After all, a smile is what we live for, don't we?

Words: 277
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 5, 2013   #2
I suggest you start with a scene. Don't start off with an explanation; explain after you get your reader into the picture.

I stood at the front of the room with almost 50 pair of eyes staring at me with awe and despair. [elaborate more on feelings...Remember, show not tell!] These were my fourth grade students, and I was to be their teacher.

This is a very good suggestion by jfang. I think his suggestion would help you get a more creative presentation to your response.

With almost 50fifty pairs of eyes staring at me with awe and despair

... don't have numbers in essay writing unless it is a date.

It didn't take me long to realize how true I was.

I too don't understand what you try to mean by saying "how true I was" ... is it you are trying to justify your feelings for them?


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