Prompt#1
Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I trudged through the sweaty mass of people in the sticky, humid airport, their pungent body odour stinging my nose. When I reached the doors, I stood frozen in shock. Amidst the thick, polluted atmosphere, a sea of motorcycles swarmed the streets like a group of flies maddeningly buzzing around a spoiled food. A little boy beggar with squalid rags greeted me with his dirty hands and pleading eyes as I stepped out the doors. Shocked by his sudden appearance, I staggered, bumping in to an overfilled trash can. When I looked up, I saw a sign beaming, "Make yourself at home in Indonesia."
This first impression of what was to become my new home, in comparison with the home I left, offered nothing but shock-but little did I know that I would come to love Indonesia as my home.
My prejudice and fear against Indonesia broke down as I observed the life style of homely my domestic helper. I noticed that during times of prayer, she would stop what ever she was doing and pray on the spot. It seemed strange and uncomfortable to me at first, but I learned to appreciate Indonesian's dedication to their religion. Also, I was appalled to know that Indonesians used their hands, rather than the toilet paper, to clean themselves after using the washroom. When I asked her about this practice, I realized that this method was equally sanitary and more environmentally friendly than using a toilet paper. My life in Indonesia transformed the myopic view of the world I previously held in ignorance, enabling me to embrace and celebrate the diversity of the world, not condemn it.
I had the opportunity to travel to different South East Asian countries through my school program, in which top music students from other international schools cooperated with each other through the orchestra. The euphonious harmony of the orchestra captivated and moved me, because despite the performer's cultural differences, the orchestra always managed to produce a delightful auditory perfection. Also, I was able to experience other students' cultures as I resided in their home during my stay in the different countries. Therefore I was able to respect their culture as I respected them. This opportunity further cultivated my appreciation for the world's diversity.
Embracement and celebration of diversity directed my future goals towards immersing myself in the study of international relations. I was fascinated by how countries possessing such differences could coexist and was curious to gain further insight in how they react to and work with each other. My ultimate aspiration is to see all nations work in harmony just like the performers in an orchestra.
I have already taken first step towards my goal by participating in Model United Nations. Through MUN, I expanded my interest towards world issues and gained further understanding and insight into the complex mechanisms behind international policies. Starting my academic career of international studies in UC Berkeley will be a great leap towards my goal.
Does it have specific experiences and show my personality? Thanks in advance!
Its a good essay,but you need to incorporate your ideas in the conclusion.You talked about mun,which is a great example perhaps at the body,but you cannot use it to wrap things up.Also the example with the toilet paper may leave the reader uncomfortable ,you may want to substitute that detail with something else.
interesting intro~ so is the whole essay, but i agree with blueshores that you should include the mun example somewhere else, the ending should be just for you :]
just simple ones i found:
homely my domestic helper - my homely domestic helper (is this what you meant?)
stop what ever she - stop whatever she (think you can do this)
