"Do what makes you happy" - this is best piece of advice I have ever received

This is a college admission essay. It is supposed to be a personal statement around 300 words, although this is 381 words. Any and all suggestions are welcome. I know I am not the best writer, I have great ideas in my head but it is hard for me to put them into words. This is my very first draft and I haven't been in school for three months so don't judge to harshly! :) Thank you all so much!

Every person is asked the same question at one point or another. Sometimes the question is asked to a child, sometimes a high schooler. But, for most people, it is something they are asked multiple times, more times than one would care to be asked. The question is inevitable. You can not run from it or avoid it because everybody has been asked the same thing. What do you want to do with your life, they say. Where do you see yourself ten years from now? What do you want to be when you grow up?

I have been asked that question more times than I can count. By teachers, relatives, my parents, my friends' parents, the list goes on and on. My mom constantly asks me that same question. But, after I answer her, she once told me something that I am sure everybody has been told. Do what makes you happy. It may sound cliche, but that is best piece of advice I have ever received. I'm sure everybody has heard that from somewhere, sometime in their life. However, it is something that has always stuck with me. My parents would say that if you do what makes you happy everyday, then you will never work a day in your life.

In high school the biggest lesson I learned was not to care about what people think of you. I used to spend all my energy trying to impress others and trying to make them like me. But, when I just let go, stopped caring what they all thought of me, and started doing what made me happy, that is when I found out what made me truly happy. When I finally took my mother's advice, I realized how much better life could be when I was doing whatever made me the happiest.

I am lucky to have found what I love to do so early in my life. I am also extremely thankful that I have parents that will support me no matter where I decide to go. It might have taken me awhile but I finally did listen to my mother and did what made me happy. I stopped caring what others thought of me and let go of all that negativity. And, I have never been happier.

Sometimes I have to wait for a long time before some great sentence comes to mind. The sentences music, it has rhythm like poetry, it is an experience for the reader. So, I think great writing comes from great ideas expressed in language artfully applied.

Your first paragraph is a little bit intriguing, because it gets be a wonder what the question is. But then it is disappointing when I see that the question is something simplistic, and I notice what the admission office reader will notice: your first paragraph is actually your effort to get your own mind to spit out some ideas. It's important to kill that paragraph and replace it with one that really expresses the great idea that you dug up out of your mind.

I think you are onto a great theme when you talk about the importance of not caring what people think of you. You can balance that with another paragraph that is about times when it actually is important to care about what other people think of you. For example, if you want opportunities to do what you like to do, or if you want opportunities to make a contribution to this world that you think is important, then you'll need to be able to choose the impression you make on people. So I think this can be a great paper if you 1.) Focus more on what you want to do and how you can achieve it as a student at your chosen school, and 2.) Consider possibly talking about the importance of both caring and not caring what people think of you.

Well written idea. But you can add in it the bane of not doing the work (that makes you happy) at the right time.

Hi. Alas, English is not my first language, so I will try to comment from the position of pure logic.
EF_Kevin is right about the first paragraph, it does not contain much of useful information and it is very inflated. IMHO, it would be better to tell more about YOUR actions and positive changes in your life (this part is slightly vague). Add some story, tell about particular things that make you happy, make the essay more lively and personal; excess of general words makes it unattractive.

Sorry if it was too harsh. I think the idea is good by itself, but the essay needs certain editing.

Hi...
I saw that you attempted to write well. However, I think nobody success to write a good writing in his/her first trying. So, do not worry.

Here I do write some minor suggestion related to your writing.


I suggest you to rid the green because it contains a similar idea.