Topic: Write an essay about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you
***I really need help with editing grammar and structure
Any feedback will help.
My Ol' Man
"No, higher Daddy, higher, I still can't see Mickey!" This was the usual dialogue as my dad would hoist me up atop his strong, broad shoulders for the parade during our annual visit to Disneyland. Living in California, my dad tried to take us to Disneyland at least once a year. To me and my brother this seemed habitual and "normal" along with all the other things my father provided for us, little did we know then how blessed we are to have a dad like him.
I can proudly state that amongst all the people who have impacted my life, my dad is the most prominent. I follow his teachings on a daily basis; he has influenced the way I live my life, his experience has helped set a straight path for me to follow whether it be in reference to how I should behave, or gain knowledge.
Dad came from a fairly large family in Pakistan, consisting of seven siblings and a single mom. At a tender age my father was forced to see the hardships of Grandma working night and day, sewing neighbors' clothes, for a few extra rupees in order to feed her children. Shortly after high school, my dad decided to find work, for which he eventually moved to America. Being the second eldest son, he held a huge responsibility on his yet feeble, young, and inexperienced shoulders, as he wished to support his family back home. He managed to get a small job and worked tirelessly to improve his standings. Because of this he migrated towards a better life for himself and for his family. He collected his minute pay without a complaining sigh for years, giving in return honest work, loyalty, and respect to his employer. He soon began gaining people's trust, respect, and admiration for striving to gain the best for his family and became known as the "self made man" amongst his friends. Dad's hard work, dedication, and honesty helped him reach success as he has now established his own small business, but hasn't forgotten his roots; he still helps support his mother back home and is in touch with his humble beginning.
I believe that it is a great privilege to have been raised with his principles guiding me. I know that my dad has reared me right, shaping my goals for the best, and most importantly instilling in me the determination I need to achieve my goals at the University of Texas. Like he always says, "when you're out climbing a mountain, never let a scraped knee get in your way." He has taught me that no matter what challenges come my way, it is imperative to face them gracefully and lose rather than run away without giving myself a chance. In following my father's teachings, I feel as though I am able to gain from his wisdom, his experiences, and his respect; I can connect to his ambition in achieving success, and live with pride in knowing that my dad has pulled himself up the ladder of success while maintaining his principles.
His lifelong struggle to make sure that we are in comfort, that we have all the "normal" pleasures, that we are receiving all of which he missed in his childhood has not gone to waste. I am able to respect the value of true determination and hard work and will carry this with me my entire life. As I reflect on those days on my father's shoulders, I realize how great an honor it was to be there, protected, above any harmful influence, away from the terrors of life, given all I required and so much more. I know I will cherish all his life lessons on the as they have molded my every action, thought, and behavior.
...know then how blessed we are to have a dad like him. (Add a sentence that conveys the main message of the essay)
Above, that is how to improve the structure. Just add a sentence that reflects the meaning of all the rest. Let the first paragraph end with that powerful sentence, the soul of the essay.
Check the first sentence of every body paragraph. Can you make any changes to make it so that they support the main theme as well as they can? Pretend the reader can only read the first sentence of every paragraph.
Your grammar is excellent! Why do you think you need help?
Please check out essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/.
I hope you let lots of people in your family see this essay, because from what I now know of your father he deserves to have people see this. And your appreciation is impressive!
