Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 2

"every man is a piece of the continent" - Trinity supplement essay


SSYQ 2 / 4  
Dec 26, 2009   #1
This is a supplement essay for trinity College. I haven't come up with a satisfying ending and there are lots of mistakes. Please help me .I need your advice~ Thanks for reading!

Trinity's Integrity Contract articulates our expectations of honesty, personal responsibility, active consideration of others, and respect for our community. What personal "integrity contract" do you employ in your own life?

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main."-John Donne

In an age of individuality, most people, especially young people, focus more on themselves but don't care about others. While I can't deny that individuality is vital to individuals, I believe that as important as a man of character a person wants to be, he is a member of the community first. I am always aware of my role as a member of my community. Active consideration of others is an important and fundamental quality of me, for I know that, my behaviors on others, even seemingly minor ones, may have a great impact on them.

One thing happened in senior two convinced me of the power of consideration of others. As the chief editor of our school's literary journal, I received quite a few contributions every week. One day, a sense of déjŕ vu came over me when I was reading an article contributed by a boy. It was an article about Sichuan Earthquake that happened few months earlier and he contributed to the special column I set for the Earthquake. I suddenly realized that I have read the same article on Phoenix Weekly, a news magazine that is not so popular among high school students. I searched out the magazine in the drawer and found the same article without difficulty. It was apparent that the boy copied that article. I was shocked and felt sorry for him, for I always thought that he was a serious and honest student who loved writing. When I told my close friend about it, she said: "The act of plagiarizing is a serious offense. You should tell his head teacher and he should be severely punished!" I knew clearly how bad a thing he had done and usually the method of dealing with this was to tell his teacher. But I also knew the consequence to do so: he would be severely censured and what he did would be known by his parents and classmates so the boy would be weighed down by his own mistakes in the future, which was not what I wanted to see. He was only a 16-year-old boy and the road of his life was still long. Maybe he was just so eager to have his article published in the journal that he became impatient to success. After all, he was a good boy and I didn't want to give him a traumatic memory. Instead of telling his head teacher, I put his article into an envelope and wrote him some words: "I can't publish this article and I guess you know the reason. Honesty is the best policy. I hope you can understand." I found him and gave the envelope to him after school. He asked: "What's this?" I smiled and said: "Just open it yourself." I went away with no more words. A few days later, I found a letter in my desk saying: "I am grateful of what you did. When I opened the envelope and saw my contribution, I knew everything. I was so afraid. If you tell my teacher, I would be ashamed to face people. Thank you for giving me a chance and I promised this kind of thing would never happen again." Every time I ran into him in school, he gave me a grateful smile. I am still happy for the right choice I made today.

Consideration of others is the Integrity Contract that I employed in my life. Just as the great poet John Donne wrote "no man is an island, entire of itself", I'm part of my community and have responsibility to make it better. Being considerate cultivates not only my mind, but also the relationship between people.
LewisClark13 1 / 9  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
One thing happened in senior two convinced me of the power of consideration of others.

I think that this sentence weakens the piece. A better opening sentence here would be to jump directly into the situation by saying "As Chief Editor..."

he became impatient to success.

Did you mean he was impatient for success?

But I also knew the consequence to do so: he would be severely censured and what he did would be known by his parents and classmates so the boy would be weighed down by his own mistakes in the future, which was not what I wanted to see

This is a weighty sentence and i think that it would be better if it were broken up into smaller bits.

Overall, I like the idea that humans need to take other people into consideration when making thier actions. I think that the dialog is good, but some more flair and details would help. Personally, I would have LOVED to see more sensory details to really make the piece come alive. Please take a look at my essay and give me your critiques! thanks


Home / Undergraduate / "every man is a piece of the continent" - Trinity supplement essay