The prompt is "Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you" and it is for transfer admissions.
Please feel free to criticize.
Man's tears
From earliest childhood, no matter what the occasion, I had always tried not to show tears in front of people. I do not know why, but the idea that showing tears diminishes one's masculinity was already firmly planted in myself when young. My father and friends often have said multiple times, "A big guy like you, should never cry!," and I had to embrace the reality that for a guy like me, with a 6' 2'' muscular body frame and manly facial features including strong jawlines and thick black eyebrows that point slightly upward, showing any signs of crying is almost like a taboo.
But I love crying. I know I am capable of wrapping myself in blankets like a cocoon and weep when I feel incredibly emotional for any reasons. Of course no one, not even my parents knows that I am this easily moved to tears. In fact, when I am alone in my room is the perfect time for me to remove myself from the pressure of society and let all of my emotions out through crying. When my dear friend Diana passed away from heart attack in middle school, I desperately tried not to cry at her funeral in front of her family members showing my dignity and integrity as a man; but at home in my room alone, I did not hold back my emotions and started to sob uncontrollably. When I was reading the book "Room" by Emma Donoghue, which was recommended to me when I was in search for a sad book, I shed tears at the end of every chapter, empathizing the little boy Jack who is held captive in a tiny room with his ma, who has been constantly beaten and raped by the kidnapper. And don't even get me started with movie "The Blind Side," which is the most beautiful piece of work I've ever watched. At the end of the movie, my face was covered with tears and mucus.
After all this crying and letting all my emotions out through tears, I feel refreshed and cleansed as my heart and mind are at ease. It is undoubtedly one of the greatest feelings just to release all the bottled up tears along with built up anxiety, nervousness and irritability and let myself in a relaxed, pleasant mood. When I cry over little things like books and movies, it indeed can be seen as showing my emotional weakness; however, I believe that showing man's tears is the most powerful way for me to show my true inner self, my softer and sensitive side.
I know my sentimentality and tenderheartedness often go unnoticed and overlooked by my masculine outer appearance. My ability to show a range of emotions through tears may not be valued greatly by the society; however, it is important to me to sometimes not suppress the urge to cry and grant myself an opportunity to show who I truly am inside.
Crying in your room, alone, without the benefit of other people seeing it does not classify as a proper answer for this essay. You should be writing about something that is at the very least, virtuous in the observation of other people. Normally, it is an activity that you participate in that is charitable or socio-civic in nature that you do on a regular basis. It is a selfless act that you take for granted but over time, came to realize that people actually did notice this trait of yours without understanding why you do it. That is the theme of this essay prompt. Find something you do that other people seem to disregard about you, but eventually, it comes to their attention. Then explain to the reader / admissions officer why they finally notice this about you. In this clarification, you can explain why this activity or trait is of importance to you and how other people perceive you after you have explained to them why you have an urge to do such things.
Read the essay prompt again, The key phrase in it is
something in your life you think goes unnoticed
. The connotation being that it is an activity or trait that comes normally to you for some reasons but is something that others may not immediately notice. For example, you may find it natural to be very charitable to the elderly members of your community because they remind you of your grandparents. Now, that is something that is not normally done by most people so while you are doing it without thinking twice, others in the community have noticed what you are doing and have often wondered why you would be doing such things. That is what the essay is asking you to write about. Something that you do not notice you are doing, hence should also be unnoticed by other people. Yet, as it turns out, they actually notice. You think others do not notice it but they actually do. So tell us why it is important to you. It may be second nature to you but not to others so tell them why it is of importance to you to be participating in such activities or displaying such traits. Do people really notice that you cry alone in your room? Have they asked you about it? If they do, then your essay response is on the right track. If not, then you need to consider revising your response. Whatever your decision is best. After all, this is your essay :-) I am just here to present an outsider's opinion and give advice where I think it is needed.
I honestly think your essay is very good. But I'm not so sure that it's completely relevant to the prompt.
2nd paragraph, it should be 'I know I am capable of wrapping myself in blankets like a cocoon and weeping' instead of weep.
'In fact, when I am alone in my room is the perfect time for me to remove myself from the pressure of society and let all of my emotions out through crying.' There's a grammatical error in this as well.
But otherwise, I found the essay to be well written.
