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Manager at youth travel org/ MATURING FROM THE IMMATURE/Extracuricular activity


I would appreciate some feedback on this short essay, especially on grammar and vocabulary

Thanks in advance: Topic: Describe and extracurricular activity

Overcoming Personal Tears



When I applied to work as a facility manager for a youth travel organization, I found my job not to be anything like I had expected. When I started my duties in Pakostane, a small village in Coratia my first year, I thought I was solely responsible of the maintenance of and the construction on the camp site. However, I soon discovered that I would also play vital roles in stage performances, and entertainment of our young guests.

Since I was very shy back then, I had a lot of trouble talking in front of a crowd in the beginning. However, I soon adapted, and the anxiety of performing for a group slowly subsided. Soon, I was even able to get a crowd to dance along with me, a huge personal success.

I learned a lot from this experience. I didn't just get to know the most interesting, most open minded people, but I also got to know how important some character traits like communicativeness and openness are. I also realized how important first impressions are. However, I especially learned how rewarding it can be to push myself to overcome personal fears.

Mar 20, 2017   #2
Sebastian, working as facility manager does not qualify as an extra curricular activity. An extra curricular activity is something that you do outside of school, excluding work. The extra curricular activities are things that you do for fun or learning outside of the academic or professional realm. Some of the activities that classify as an extra curricular activity (in relation to academics) are:

Topic-specific clubs such as math club, Student government, University societies, Debate, Drama, Sport, Fan clubs, Orchestra, Band, Choir, Art, Yearbook, and Tutoring.

Organizational memberships such as Model UN, Unicef Clubs, internships, and school journalism participation are accepted as extra curricular activities as well. The topic you chose to present, doesn't really qualify as an extra curricular activity because it sounds like you were paid to the job since you were "hired" to become the manager. These extra curricular activities are done without remuneration or salary, so in this instance, this is not an extra curricular activity but "employment" instead. I suggest that you use the list above to revise the essay in order to better reflect an extra curricular activity that you participated in and can accurately describe in your essay.


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