Hey, nice essay. Here are just some tidbits that sound better to me. Try these out and see if you like them better.
Within each passing second
With each passing second
how come she doesn't read
why she doesn't read
However the persistence of my grandmother did not stop her
However, because of her persistence
My motives toward school changed
Maybe 'priorities' is a better word?
Talking about your grandmother and father is nice, but the prompt as I understands it asks for one person. You should think about picking one, your father seems to be more fully supported.