Please help me check for any bumps in my essay or things that I need to smoothen out.
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
For some, to be behind a music stand in front of ten people as their eyes are glued to you as you sing a piece accompanied by some background music, can be the most terrifying experience in life. These people may never want to experience the same adrenaline rush of fear ever again, quitting the activity. For me, standing in front of not just ten, but thousands of people, brings a thrill through performance, knowing that all eyes are watching as I demonstrate my knowledge and hours of work in the practice for the piece. With marching band, I am embraced with this same thrill, to know that with every note that I play and with every step I take, I am contributing to the overall outcome of our group's performance. To be part of a group where I can grow, learn new things, and be able to give back to the group, brings me pride as well as gratification. My participation has allowed me to grow from a person who had a hard time accepting who I was and what I looked like, into a person who is confident that with the right determination, I can succeed no matter what people tell me.
Becoming apart of the marching band helped me realize that though my family was never going to be the same again, it was possible to have another family; the band. Entering high school, my parents were in the middle of getting a divorce. Being the oldest child, I got caught in the middle not understanding why it was happening. I felt insignificant, being unable to change my situation. I began finding it hard to talk to people insecure thinking that others would tease me for my predicament. With the marching band,I embarked on a journey where I allowed myself to be consumed with the music around me. I worked to focus on my technique, dedicating myself to the ensemble. In marching band, we were taught that every person is essential to the success of the entire group and that it would take everyone working in harmony to create something from confusion. Being in confusion myself, I was brought to the realization that it didn't matter what confusion I was in. I began to realize that my parents' divorce did not matter to how I lived my life, nor would it determine the outcome of who I was. What mattered was that I could express myself through my music and marching. Every practice and performance was a chance for me to show who I wanted to be, allowing me to become a stronger and more stable person. With the marching band I was able to join a new family that would allow me to put all my worries aside.
During my last two years of high school, I applied for the position of trombone section leader. Achieving this position has allowed me to give back to the one thing that helped me to grow into the confident, social person that I am today. I am proud to have been apart of the band that helped mold me, then allow me to give back.
My participation has allowed me to grow from a person who had a hard time accepting who I was and what I looked like, into a person who is confident that with the right determination
,. I can succeed no matter what people tell me.
Becoming apart of the marching band helped me realize that al though my family was never going to be the same again, it was possible to have another family; the band.
If you don't want to use the word although then maybe say "though my family would
", Also shouldn't the semicolon be a colon?
I began finding it hard to talk to people insecure, or ; idk which one thinking that others would tease me for my predicament.
then allowed me to give back.
Nice essay it sounds like the marching band was really important to you helped you keep it all together good job!