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How Marching band made me physically and mentally stronger - UC Prompt #2


DDH35 3 / 3  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
UC Prompt #2 - Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or, experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Uc Deadlines are approaching fast and I would like some help revising and editing my prompt 2!
Thanks ahead of time.

"Hey, you're in the marching band right? Good job at the parade!" someone asked me. I answered, "Yes I am, thanks!" People see bands at a parade and listen to them at the school football games, but being a part of the group is unique experience.

During a band practice, I had forgotten to play a note and the whole band was telling me sarcastically, "Good job, nice one tuba!" I was nervous and did not know how to take the criticism, my body felt like giving out, and my knees were shaky. The practice was already two hours in and the sun was setting. The air was getting cold and thin. I knew that no one wanted to be in my position. However, before the next repetition, I focused in, ignoring everything around me, and told myself that I would not forget to play that note. I was physically drained and feeling the pressure of 80 other members who were dying to go home. However, I was determined to make it up to them this last repetition. This would be the last repetition if I played it correctly. That was the last repetition we did that day. When the band was dismissed from practice, they rejoiced as they walked slowly back to the band room. As I walked back to the room, I was filled with satisfaction, not of playing the music correctly but accepting the criticisms of my peers and improving upon them.

Personally marching band has made me physically and mentally stronger. I have been challenged by weather and criticism, but I have managed to overcome them. This is why I am proud of being in band. Band has taught me to never fall down just because of criticism, pressure or a little pain. Instead take it head on and strive to improve yourself.
kalieellison 2 / 3  
Nov 28, 2010   #2
"Hey, you're in the marching band right? Good job at the parade!" someone asked me. I answered, "Yes I am, thanks!" People see bands at a parade and listen to them at the school football games, but being a part of the group is unique experience.

i would expand this into a full introduction paragraph.

expand on how it made you stronger, it's a bit dull to read.
try and capture the readers attention a bit more.

i like the theme, though, and the quotes at the beginning.
good luck!
jjt 1 / 2  
Nov 28, 2010   #3
is unique experience- grammatical error there!!

anyways i think you can make it more interesting! i agreee that it is rather dull to read and maybe you should try lengthening it! it seems pretty short!! im sure you can dig deeper and find something to elaborate on regarding this same experience.

i wish you luck!!



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