Marist Supplement
1000 characters
Why do you believe Marist is a good match for you?
Marist's academic and socially rich environment will provide me with boundless opportunities to develop and to succeed as a person and student. Marist's academics provide a wide range of majors, small class sizes, and professors who are easily accessible, extremely knowledgeable in their fields, and motivational. Marist also provides a wide range of resources which will help me to succeed in my pursuits such as the writing center, innovative technology, and study abroad programs. Socially, Marist's small student population will benefit me as I will befriend similar, intellectually charged students. This familiarity will allow me to benefit from their knowledge, friendship, ideas, company, and experience. My personal discussions with my fellow Marist colleagues will also enable me to gain a better understanding of current and past issues. I believe that I have the motivation and initiative to succeed at the competitive but very supportive environment of Marist College. I am sure that Marist College will prepare and produce a well-rounded, aware citizen and that I will be prepared information, skills, and qualifications to succeed in the world, as a person and professional.
Any and every edit will be appreciated, and i'll edit your stuff too! Thanks! I'm in a bit of a rush so ASAP please :)
That first sentence does not say anything. If you start with a general statement like that, it does not convey meaning. Can you start with a sentence that lets the reader know something specific about your unique plan?
Second sentence: no, no, still sounds like a brochure, you may as well fax them their brochure or link them to their website.
I'm sorry to be critical, and I'm sorry it took a few days to respond to you! I think this essay is just a rehashing of their brochures; it does show that you write well, and that is good, but use your excellent writing to show something unique about YOU! For example, this school might be perfect for you because a particular professor is a hero of yours because of your passionate interest in a SPECIFIC aspect of your chosen field.
Most importantly, you write very well, so you should feel confident about everything you do! But look at this essay as though you are seeing it for the first time, and you will know what I mean. It is just a bunch of general statements every college makes about itself.
I see.
This is my revised version:
Marist Supplement
1000 characters
Why do you believe Marist is a good match for you?
Marist's academic and socially rich environment will provide me with boundless opportunities to develop and to succeed as a person and student. Marist's academics provide a large variety of majors, small class sizes, and professors who are easily accessible. Marist also provides a wide range of resources which will help me to succeed in my pursuits such as the writing center in the James A. Cannavino Library and the FOCUS program which will help assimilate me into life at Marist. Marist also makes registering for classes a personal endeavor in which I'll meet with a professor of my major who will approve or deny my class selections based on my priority points. Socially, Marist's small student population will benefit me as I will befriend similar, intellectually charged students. This familiarity will allow me to benefit from their knowledge and experiences. Marist's priority point system also appeals to me as it determines where I'll live based on my GPA and extra-curricular activities. I believe that I have the motivation and initiative to succeed at the small yet challenging environment of Marist College. After graduating from Marist, I am sure that will be prepared in information and qualifications to succeed in the world, as a person and professional.
what do you think?
Please help me on this, i''ll be sure to edit your stuff too :)
Still pretty generic. This could have been written by anyone. Why YOU, Naveena?
