So, I would just like any feedback and small crit on my essay. All love would be appreciated, as long as any adjustments or corrections. Thanks in advance.
What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? We'd like you to tell us in an essay. This is your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.)
While growing up in New York City I was a child with many dreams. Amongst my peers I was the only one who had several career goals. Most of us; astronauts, police officers, bankers, and even mighty morphing power rangers, but in all honesty it took me all of 17 and almost 18 years to finally decide on what it was I wanted to do with my life. I'm pretty sure all of my fellow applicants write these essays explaining how their life long dream is coming true. Well my dream just started about 2 years ago.
I remember senior year of high school as everyone was applying to their prospective schools, and had their majors set in stone. Me, I was still trying to figure this all out. I've always been the "winner" of almost everything in life, however my gratuitous amounts of wins left me with the fear of losing and making wrong decisions. That's why my college selection was a toss up and I ended up at Nassau Community College in the Liberal Arts program to help guide me to a future career.
The Liberal Arts program left me with a variety of options of which classes to take. Being that I had no idea what I would want to do for the rest of my life, I decided to just mix it up. Now was taking all of these different classes just a waste of financial aid, or was I getting closer and closer to my unknown dream. Honestly, I prefer the latter. I took many different courses; from Argumentation and Debate, to Fashion and Home Furnishings. Thats where I found my love for fashion, but I just couldn't see myself as a designer. I went on to later take up a Marketing course; Principles of Sales. It was love at first sight, unfortunately I was torn between both the Fashion department and Marketing but just couldn't figure out how to combine the two.
I went on to later change my major to Marketing during the semester and continued taking courses within my degree. I simply fell in love with the major and all of its aspects. One part that stood out the most had to be advertising. I loved the way you have to use one's creativity to produce a campaign to influence the possible buyer. That's why I chose FIT's program which focuses on advertising and marketing itself. I felt this school's program would open a lot of doors within my future, and I just felt I could bring so much to this school with my unique creativity, and my dedication to obtain and withhold a healthy GPA and academic wellness, and all its essentials in return for a successful career plan.
Marketing and Advertising has changed my life completely and I have finally figured out what I want to do. I also spoke to one of FIT's representatives at my school's transfer fair in October and he basically sealed the deal for me and choosing a possible career. After the informative conversation with the FIT rep, I was sure that this school would help evict my fear of making the wrong decisions, but at the same time continuing my winning streak of life. With that said in any and every way possible, I am triumphantly excited to have the opportunity to apply to the Fashion Institute of Technology's Marketing program.
Hey Malik,
I am one of the crazy fans about fashion industry when I was young so I decided to starting my new career as a PR people from the current job I have been holding for a couple of years. Good luck to you, and to me, either.
I'm pretty sure all of my fellow applicants write these essays explaining how their life long dream is coming true. Well my dream just started about 2 years ago.--I really like this part. I think the first paragraph has too many sentences, though... one-too-many. It is cliche to talk about all the things one wanted to be when growing up. But I really like these two sentences! Very clever.
I like your writing style! Here is a run on sentence, though: It was love at first sight, unfortunately I was torn...
Alright... nice job. I think they will know that you have a lot of potential for success in this or any field that requires you to connect with people in good communication. You have an engaging style.
