If you think something should be changed, please let me know.
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"Why Marquette?"
A diverse community that strives for academic excellence. Serve God and other people through volunteering and being a leader, and develop my Catholic identity. Become involved. Become an ambitious, God fearing adult. These are what I want in a university, and are what I can find at Marquette as a student.
I am drawn to Marquette for its reputation as a great, academically rigorous institution where students have succeeded on a large scale. After talking with a representative, I have discovered there are many opportunities for success. Guided by diligent and influential professors such as Dr. Kimberly Norden, students are lead to future success. I want to be the difference that Marquette helps students be. I am currently interested in Marquette's college of Health Sciences' exercise physiology program. My interest in exercise physiology was only recently discovered; I spent months prying my brain in an attempt to discover my true interests and potential careers until late summer when I had a realization. A career in exercise physiology is something of an obvious choice for me because my mother works as a certified aerobics instructor and personal trainer at a Wellness Center. I have been exposed to careers in exercise physiology my whole life as a result of my heavy involvement in several sports. My experiences have instilled in me an interest for a sports related career, a career that I know I will flourish in given a Marquette education.
I love service, volunteering, and being involved. Marquette offers many opportunities and clubs that I would enthusiastically be a part of. I know from experience that Catholic institutions provide strong communities with an especially strong emphasis on service, and being with other Marquette students that share the same faith as me will make my service life a very fulfilled one.
Marquette is a small university with a big university feel, an aspect that entices me to attend. Diversity and various walks of life are celebrated, and my Mexican heritage will positively contribute. I am passionate about self-discovery, growing, exploring the world, and becoming the best person I can be. I am ready to 'go forth and set the world on fire', starting at Marquette.
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I have two versions of the first paragraph. Here is the second paragraph:
Joining a diverse community that fosters academic excellence, giving of myself to others through lifelong service and leadership, developing my Catholic identity, and becoming an ambitious, God fearing adult are what I look to be able to do in a university and are what I can do as a Marquette student.
Hi andrea, what you want to tell us in the first paragraph? because, honestly i have no idea about it. you should give an explanation clearly. what kind of activity you want to involve with? what kind of ambitious did you mean? you have to think that your readers are not know about your essay, they just want to read, and we can not understand it if it is full of something unclear.
A diverse community that strives for academic excellence. Serve God and other people through volunteering and being a leader, and develop my Catholic identity. Becomeinvolved . Become an ambitious , God fearing adult. These are what I want in a university, and are what I can find at Marquette as a student.
Moreover, one of your sentence has two verbs.
After talking with a representative, I have discovered there are many opportunities for success
KEEP SPIRIT !!!
Thank you.
