not alone in their distress.
Right here is the powerful part where you show the reader the significance of their deaths to your decision to enter the health care field. End the paragraph here, so that this point lingers in the reader's mind... and also because it is important to use paragraphs!
paragraph 2:
I want to be able to create a difference in people's... --- this is a strong start for a paragraph! So, without changing any words, we improve the message by doing a simple paragraph break..
You left the t out of boston.
:-) Nice job, is there room to write more so that the reader knows a little about your philosophy of health care?