Master's degree in Science; Common app/Academic interests

Here's my common app essay. Is it interesting enough and does it sound good? All feedback greatly appreciated.

Everyday hundreds of immigrants land on the shores of the United States. With their bags, they also carry their hopes and aspirations. They still cherish their memories of home, but at the same time they hope of someday being able to live the American dream. My story is one of these.

At fifteen, I could see my entire life clearly before me. I already went to one of the better schools in the town; I was doing well in all my classes and my sole goal in life was to get at least a 90 on my tenth grade exams because that was the only way I would get into the college of my choice. I knew I was going to get a Master's degree in Science because that was where the most reputable and the most high-paying jobs were. Everything was perfectly planned and I had no reason to even think about what I was interested in doing.

Then one day my family decided to move from India to the United States and everything changed. As I looked out of the window of my plane and saw the vast seas spanning below me, there were many things going on in my mind. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I wondered if I would be able to make friends, I wondered if I would be able to adjust to the new environment, I wondered if I was too different...

Being born and raised in India and then moving to America has given me a unique perspective. There are many American things that I still don't understand, like why football is called football when you carry the ball in your hands all the time or why a T.V needs to be thrown away when it can be easily repaired but what I do understand is a high school student working to become independent and make some extra money. I like that, when it comes to politics, everyone has such a strong opinion. I have learned many valuable lessons from both the countries I have lived in. I still retain many of my Indian qualities like extreme frugality but I have assimilated so many things from American culture. In the past two years, I have become so much more ambitious. I have learned to dream but more than that I have developed the confidence that I can achieve all my dreams no matter how ridiculous they are; and most importantly I now have a sense of direction. I have discovered (at least to some extent) what my interests are and what I want to do in life.

After two years of living in America, I can now proudly say that I am unique blend of Indian and American. I believe in freedom, but I also respect restriction. I know how important independence is but I also understand the need to conform. This combination of American and Indian elements shapes many of my opinions and actions and makes me the person I am today.

Along with


Do not create a new paragraph between the 2 and 3.


here is where you start the new paragraph.

Your essay is okay, you word choice and sentence structure needs work!