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'I had every materialistic thing' - personal information college essay

r0400293 2 / 3  
Oct 12, 2011   #1
There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

is my essay appropriate for this topic? What should i change

As a child I had every materialistic thing I could think of, but the one thing I really wanted was a Dad. My dad walked out on me when I was just seven, it's been ten years since I last saw him. His absence has really affected me in my personality and with the choices I make. I have never felt good enough and have always felt like an outcast. Sometime around Junior High I became lost and started to starve myself. Anorexia is an eating disorder that can literally cause a person to self destruct. Striving to be noticed and searching for happiness, I just wanted to be skinny and perfect. All I want to be is accepted by people and not looked over or ignored. I always had the idea in my mind being skinny meant perfection. If I was thin I would have it all, the boyfriend, the friends, and the happiness. At age thirteen I weighted fifty-seven pounds, I got to fifty-four and of course that wasn't good enough. That's the illness, you will never be happy with your weight. In High School I wanted my collarbones and hip bones to show more. I'd feel my hip bones to make sure they were out. If not, I had to starve myself more. I lost my period until I was fifteen. I loved that. It meant I wasn't healthy, and I didn't want to be healthy. After a while I started to eat again, and that's when the cutting kicked in. The more I couldn't control my eating, the more I cut myself. I wanted to look at my scars and be like, "See what you did? You ate too much", it wasn't about the food. It was an emotional problem. I wanted it to bleed, I wanted it to hurt, but I didn't want to kill myself. It was about feeling pain so I could feel bad, cry and let it out. After the deed was done I always felt satisfied, like I had done the right thing. When I was sixteen, I read an article in a magazine about a model that was anorexic and bulimic and cut herself. I burst into tears. I saw myself. The article gave me hope. My sister was the first person to whom I admitted what was going on. I was put into treatment over the summer and gained fifteen pounds. Now I am seventeen and weigh ninety-two pounds. I know that I am not perfect and that I still have to gain weight. It is a battle I fight every day. It is a demon inside of me, torturing and destroying me.
gettysberg 1 / 1  
Oct 12, 2011   #2
I think the subject is appropriate enough, though you may want to add something that has to do with academics in some way. Also, all of your sentences seem very short, it might be wise to try to throw in a few commas or extend your thoughts a bit further. :)

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