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'Math, constructing and designing models' - Lafayette Supplement Essay Help

lycjack 3 / 11  
Nov 7, 2009   #1
This is my first time posting. The question is a very common one.But I thnk I should write something different. Welcome corrections as much as possible. I have not come up with a proper ending yet.

In an effort to learn more about you, we ask that you describe an intellectual or creative interest or accomplishment.

In high school, my interest in mathematic Olympic have win me numerous national and provincial awards as show in application. I also experienced success in debates and speeches. However, I found constructing and designing models the most interesting activities. And I believe this is closely related to my future major-engineering.

Student union organizes "Brain Storm" intellectual competition annually. Last year, the theme was "Saving Eggs".

The activity gave each participant 3 eggs, asking us to throw eggs from the 5-floor of a building but can not broke them. Use some simple and cheap materials to design a protecting model. As a participant, I did as followed:

1. Prepare a foam cube, (50cm*40cm*20cm). Then drill a hole on the cube, and set the eggs in.
2. Use cellophane tape or other strong glue to seal the hole, make sure the eggs have been consolidated on the cube.
3. Find a deserted plastic paper with an area of 2 square meters. Tie its corners with 4 strings (50cm in length each). On the other end of the each string, fasten a nail. And then tack the nails into the cube. Use cellophane to fix them.

A simple parachute for eggs is completed. The large area of plastic paper and foam would cause large resistance to reduce its speed. The comparatively large volume of the whole model would decline the direct harm on the eggs. Fortunately, none of eggs broke when I threw them off during the competition.

My other designs contain a small model bridge made of wood. Because it can stand a weight of 14.8 kilos, it became the best work in intellectual competition. I also sent a model-airplane made from wood stick and deserted plastics as a birthday present to my friend. I found such engineering activities most interesting.

Mustafa1991 8 / 373 4  
Nov 7, 2009   #2
The accomplishment(s) you listed seem(s) unimpressive. I did similar projects or competed in similar "competitions" as you would have it, in Grade 9. They are more like assignments than accomplishments, unless you ornament them to sound particularly successful.
OP lycjack 3 / 11  
Nov 8, 2009   #3
I know it's a bit too plain. But at least its something relevant to my future major. I think college might want to view me as a determined individual. Interests in engineering can only be reflected through such kind of activities...
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 9, 2009   #4
I definitely agree that it is very important to let them see that you have well-formed interests and clear intentions.

You know, interesting content is not the only way to creating a pleasing experience for the reader. You can also use rhythmic and soothing sentences, soothing sounds. That is particularly important in this kind of essays; admissions essays are "all about you," and there is no quicker way to bore people than talking all about yourself. So, here, we have to compensate with a musical approach.

I won numerous provincial and national awards the high school mathematics Olympic competitions, and these stand out in my memory as meaningful experiences of empowerment. I also experienced success in debates and speeches. However, the most fascinating challenge, for me, was the construction and design of models; this is the experience that built the foundation for my future major-engineering.

That is just what I came up with. It says the same things with different rhythm.
OP lycjack 3 / 11  
Nov 10, 2009   #5
Thanks a lot.
t1292 11 / 21  
Dec 6, 2009   #6
its a bit blah..and with a limited number of charecters Im not sure its best to specifically define steps when you could use the charecters to describe YOUR feelings or YOUR responsibilities.
yf8651 16 / 31  
Dec 16, 2009   #7
Though this essay clearly convey your interest and your strength, I think you need to reorganize your essay since labels like one, two ,three make it a little bit boring.

In addition, your need to make the three items shorter and more brief since what matters is not what you do but why and how you do it. You can tell more details on that "small model bridge"

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