"To do math, to continue my research" - describe course of study UPenn Supplement

Hi I need some help with the Why Upenn essay, the actualy question is.
Describe your course of study and unique characteristics of Penn that make you want to come to Penn.

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CRITIC EVERY SING WORD. THANK YOU

I have always had an interest in math. The journey from multiplication to divisions to subtraction, all in search for that one answer, is what excites me. The thought of me using numbers to paint a picture on a bare canvas, the though of using numbers to show growth or decline. From my interest, I pick up a taste in accounting, which I hope to explore at Wharton. Even after taking Accounting 101 at my local college, this interest still lingers. However, I am only sixteen years. Do I really know what I want to do thirty years from now?

In addition to being academically sound, I would like to further explore social issues such as obesity. Two of the most important women in my life struggled with their weight. I watched as my mother and my sister endured low self-esteem and physical fatigue. Both my mother and sister attributed their weight problems to poor eating habits learned as a teenager. I made their problem my cause and began to research the eating habits of my peers. I conducted several surveys to show the effect of school vending machines on teenage eating.

In my school, nineteen percent of my peers are overweight while eight percent are obese. I found a positive correlation with my peers' Body Mass Index (BMI) and the rate of vending machine use which increased during lunch time often they use the vending machines. Also, most of my peers used the vending machines during lunch. This was pivotal because the government invests millions of dollars into federal programs to make school lunches healthy, but the majority of the students do not eat these lunches. I took my research to my school's board when I presented at an obesity forum. The council members were convinced and quickly took action. In the next two weeks, I noticed that the vending machines were plugged until the last two hours of school.

At Penn, I wish to continue my research and focus on what exactly causes the "freshman fifteen." Fighting the obesity epidemic is my passion because I do not want anyone going through what I have watched my mother and sister endure for years. This is why Penn's diverse community and global thinking style best fit me. I want the opportunity to explore virtually any subject I admire. I want to study my native language, Igbo, to study African American history, and to travel mentally and (hopefully) physically to different places and learn different cultures. As a member of the Penn family, I will have the opportunity to become academically and socially involved in the community, build my career foundation, and learn for the future.

In order for me to achieve my goals I need an education and a community that will give me valuable tools. I need Penn.

Umm... that is not the prompt. The correct prompt is: "Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?"

And you have to be much more specific. Plenty of schools can offer what you just explained. Why UPenn in particular? Use names of specific programs.

I don't know which is the correct prompt, but I'm going to give some ideas that I hope are useful...

The thought of me using numbers to paint a picture on a bare canvas, the though of using numbers to show growth or decline.

However, I am only sixteen years old .

I found a positive correlation with my peers' Body Mass Index (BMI) and the rate of vending machine use which increased during lunch time often they use the vending machines. ---This is not surprising, but it is very impressive for a teenager to use correlative research.

Especially at the end here, iceui2 is correct. Be more specific: In order for me to achieve my goals I need an education and a community that will give me valuable tools. I need Penn.------Replace the words "achieve my goals" with the words that describe specific goals. Like this:

In order to ________, _________, and ____________, while keeping my options open and broadening my perspective, I need an education and a community that will give me valuable tools ...need to join the students in the XXXXX program at Upenn.

:-)