Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I'd really appreciate helpful criticism! Especially on the conclusion, because I think it's a little weak right now.
Math kicked me off my pedestal. You know, the pedestal smart kids tend to get on. The one that makes them feel perfect and superior. Yeah, math kicked me off mine, but it's probably the best thing that ever happened to me.
Freshman year, I was placed in regular algebra 1. As I breezed through the class, I realized that I couldn't stay on the regular math track. The math department agreed and happily accepted my request to advance to honors geometry sophomore year. Geometry posed more of a challenge, but I still wasn't satisfied. Designed to be a ninth grade class, I felt isolated in a room full of freshman. I made friends in the class, but I had an insatiable urge to be with my peers. I wanted to go through the same challenges as them, learn the same material as them, and most importantly, be in AP calculus with them senior year. AP calculus represented something to me. I associated all my dreams and goals with that class. I believed that my college admissions relied on that class. It was crazy, but I had to get into that class.
When I approached the head of the math department sophomore year, I had no idea what I was in for. After I vocalized my desire to make it to AP calculus, she offered me a solution. I could double up on honors math classes for second semester and then take summer school. Since second semester had already begun, they gave me a night to make my decision. The next morning, I was ready to get the ball rolling.
My good spirits didn't last long, though. Honors algebra 2 was no walk in the park. For the first time, there were problems I just couldn't solve. Not only was I struggling through algebra 2, I has to stay on track in geometry. When I got my first "C" that semester, my mindset altered for the worse. I completely lost my academic self-esteem in regards to math. That "C" seemed like an indicator of my inadequacy. If I didn't understand a unit or did badly on a test, I simply accepted defeat. It felt useless to build relationships with my teachers. I was destined to be no more than an average student.
I recently realized how wrong my outlook was. I struggled in algebra 2, because I didn't have the strong foundation my classmates had built up during first semester. I wasn't inadequate, I just wasn't as prepared. When I tell my peers about my sophomore year math experiences, they're stunned by the amount of effort I showed. These conversations have helped me realize that I possess the determination and dedication necessary to succeed in math and in life. So, yes, my pedestal has collapsed. I no longer think that I am superior, nor do I think that I am inadequate. I have finally realized that I am on the same ground as everyone else, and only my actions will decide where my path leads.
ooooo I like it. lol.
I think your main idea is good, you have a voice in there so that is also good.
I just caught a few minor errors in there:
"My good spirits didn't last long, though." could sound better if you said However,...
You could probably combine "I associated all my dreams and goals with that class. I believed that my college admissions relied on that class. It was crazy, but I had to get into that class." into one sentence because they are saying the same thing.
and "I has to stay" to had to stay.
other than that I think its pretty good.
PLEASE HELP ME ON MY ESSAY!!!! deadline is 2 days away! thank youuuuu. :))))
The other two already touched base on all the nitpick errors and all, so I offer my two cents on your intro.
"Math kicked me off my pedestal. You know, the pedestal smart kids tend to get on. The one that makes them feel perfect and superior. Yeah, math kicked me off mine, but it's probably the best thing that ever happened to me. "
It was a tad bit swaying to start off by saying a you were in a lower math, and that was the best thing ever. Since short after you explain how you actually ascended to that pedestal. Perhaps talk about how it was great that you were able to experience the "regular" pace of math classes first and how that pushed you to desire more!
By the way thanks for checking out my essay!
