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math, science, or engineering, CalTech Interest Essay

birthdayattackr 2 / 12  
Dec 27, 2009   #1
Prompt: Interest in math, science, or engineering manifests itself in many forms. Caltech professor and Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman(1918-1988) explained, 'I'd make a motor, I'd make a gadget that would go off when something passed a photocell, I'd play around with selenium'; he was exploring his interest in science, as he put it, by 'piddling around all the time.' In a page, more or less, tell the Admissions Committee how you express your interest, curiosity, or excitement about math, science or engineering.

Here, I have reproduced a (potential) paragraph of mine for this:

Similar to the teenaged male's undying love of food, I have a strong passion for learning, which is evidenced in my academic life. When it is time to sign up for the next year's courses, I am always excited at all the opportunities I have to take classes which greatly interest me. Unlike most students, I had satisfied many of my school's science and math requirements, and was therefore free to take classes of my liking, as opposed to being mandated to take them. As such, this year, I elected to take two science classes at my school, but also chose to take a math class and a computer science class at the [a university you don't get to know...]. While some of my friends have expressed their opinions that my decision is suicidal, I do not see my schedule in that way at all. Instead, I look forward to my classes because I enjoy the subject matter. <expand...>

I know some of the wording is rough and it's not done, but my question is:
Do you think this is too much like bragging? It's hard to talk about academics in this regard without bragging to an extent, but that's not what I'm trying to do - any thoughts/suggestions on that? Or general comments/critiques - those are always good, too.

poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 27, 2009   #2
Are you sure about the initial comparison? I don't know if that is appropriate. Anyway, if you want to use it, you should say "love for food" not "love of food"

You look just a bit like bragging, but thats not always bad, you can come across like confident, just be sure that the rest of the essay doesn't feel like that.

Since it is the beginning, I don't have any other things to say. Good luck.
Please check my posts if you can :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 3, 2010   #3
When it is time to sign up for the next year's courses, I am always excited at all the opportunities ... science class at the [a university you don't get to know...]

I think you could say all of this in half the amount of words you used. Don't use so many words to express the idea that you chose these classes after having escaped being mandated to take other courses by being a high achiever. Express it succinctly.

Make it less like bragging by saying it in a single sentence, that is my opinion. More importantly, though, answer the question they ask. See my explanation here: https://essayforum.com/undergraduate-2/cal-tech-interests-engineering-13089/

Also, I don't think people have to try to be anonymous as they participate here. You high school people have been treated as though collaboration is cheating, but it is not cheating. This is learning. Academic institutions are about learning, too. EssayForum is an important writer's group full of serious students. It's not cheating. But still, i don't blame you for wanting to be careful.


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