Please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).
In the beginning of my senior year, our school decided to create a math tutoring program aimed to reduce the number of students receiving D's and F's. Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was honored to become a member of the tutor team. Although most tutors only volunteered one to two hours each week, I was one of the two tutors who devoted one hour each day to assist the underclassmen. It was a joy teaching the beginners. Not only did my schoolmates improved their grades, but I myself also profited from this program: my communication skills were sharpened, my knowledge of basic geometry and algebra was refreshed, and most importantly, my sense of accomplishment was fulfilled with the belief that I have positively affected someone's life.
____________________________________________________________ ________________________
I don't know if I wanted to delete the "Being a fervent fan of mathematics" part.
it's perfect don't worry! that phrase is fine too, connects to you being in Ap Calc and shows that you are actually enthusiastic about it, not just in the class for a grade
In Should be At the beginning of my senior year, ourmy school decided to create a math tutoring program aimed toatreducereducing the number of students receiving D's and F's. Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was honored to become a member of the tutor team. Although most tutors only volunteered one to two hours each week, I (don't say one of the two..doesn't make you sound as unique) devoted one hour each day to assist the underclassmen. It was a joy teaching the beginners.Maybe you can briefly explain Why it was a joy? Not only did my schoolmates improved their grades, but I myself also profited from this program: my communication skills were sharpened, my knowledge of basic geometry and algebra was refreshed, and most importantly, my sense of accomplishment was fulfilled with the belief that I have positively affected someone's life.
The rest is fine :-)
Should D's and F's be written Ds and Fs because I was referring to the plural rather than the posessive?
Also, my friends pointed out that I had some grammar mistakes ie subject-verb agreement but I couldn't find any.
Does the alliteration "fervent fan" bothers anybody?
Lastly, is the last sentence awkward?
In the beginning of my senior year, MY school decided to create a math tutoring program aimed at reduc(ing) the number of students receiving Ds and Fs . The student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was honored to become a member of the tutoring team. Although most tutors only volunteered one to two hours each week, I (Agree with above, don't mention the other person) devoted one hour each day to assist the underclassmen. It was a joy teaching the beginners. Not only did my schoolmates improve their grades, but I (Delete "myself") also profited from this program: my communication skills were sharpened, my knowledge of basic geometry and algebra was refreshed, and most importantly, (awkward wording after this, perhaps, "and most importantly"..because I had affected someone's life positively, I felt a incredible sense of accomplishment.)
...but I myself also personally profited from this program: I sharpened my communication skills, I refreshed my knowledge of basic geometry and algebra, and, most importantly, I gained a sense of sense of accomplishment was fulfilled fulfillment with the belief knowledge that I had positively affected someone's life.
I switched it to the "active voice."
Thanks guys I appreciate your help!
Sorry, one more thing. The word "Tutor" is used too many times in a short span of two lines. I tried to replace at least one of these instances with an interchangeable word. But can the words "mentor" or "instructor" replace "tutor?"
Student tutors were only selected from the senior AP Calculus classes. Being a fervent fan of mathematics, I was honored to become a member of the tutor team. Although most tutors only volunteered one to two hours each week, I was one of the two fanatics who devoted one hour time each day to assist the underclassmen.
You are great for doing that. Hmmmm maybe you belong here as a virtual world tutor part time!!!!!
