MATHEMATICAL OLYMPIAD - Princeton: Baymax influenced me

Tell us about a person who has influenced you in a significant way: limit 650 words, recommended about 500.

I changed the real name and nickname because i dont know if he feels comfortable with me sharing it.
I appreciate any advice about grammar content.

Baymax - Mathematical Olympiad

I still remember the first day I saw Manuel Diaz or "Baymax" as we call him for the funny shape of his body. As I was impatient waiting in the classroom, the older students kept increasing my eagerness by commenting how great Baymax was. He was well known for his contributions to the Mathematical Olympiad in the state, the founder of this Project in 1992 and one of the bests Math professors in Mexico.

When Baymax entered the classroom, he started talking about the value of the Olympiad and continued all the class saying the fundamental keys to excel on it. Surprisingly, Baymax never put us a Math Problem or even talked about Mathematics itself and never did it on future classes neither. Yet, Baymax is the most influent teacher in my development on the mathematical Olympiad, even more than the professors who did taught me math. Baymax said that convince the students about the significance of increase the study hours at home was more important than giving just a math class. He dedicated his classes to motivate us and inspiring us to work harder.

Baymax frequently projected TED talks videos and later pondered about their content. The "Marshmallow test and instant gratification" is the one that most marked me. It's an experiment that gives a marshmallow to kids and if they don't eat it in 15 minutes they receive another one. Results show that the kids who didn't eat it were more successful than the ones who couldn't resist the temptation. Baymax explained that we constantly look for instant pleasure and we aren't willing to sacrifice it for a better pleasure in the future. Then he pointed the importance of make a balance between our time relaxing and time working. I have learned from Baymax that hard work plays an indispensable role in any kind of success, even more indispensable than pure talent. "90% work and 10% talent", that's what Baymax always kept saying. Since then, I started to study more at home; Baymax helped me to acquire an ethic work that has been essential for my success in the Olympiad. Now every time I do something I ask myself if it is going to make me achieve what I want, not only in the mathematical Olympiad, but also in any personal aspiration.

My interaction with Baymax wasn't only on classes. Throughout my adolescence, Baymax has accompanied me in many experiences on Math competitions. On one national contest, me and my teammates hanged our medals around Baymax's neck and thanked him for the support he gave us. He immediately broked down in tears and said he did it with pleasure. Baymax is an emotional person that always cares for other people. He is now a friend for me more than a professor and he is always willing to help me if I need it. He has transmitted those attitudes to me and now I'm also helping to the beautiful project called Mathematical Olympiad. I'm doing my best to make the same effect on kids that Baymax made on me.

Thanks to Baymax, today I'm a person that knows when to have fun and when to work to pursue my dreams. This way of thinking that sacrifice something today will give a better reward tomorrow has been my principal ally for my personal growth. I'm extremely thankful with Baymax for entering in my life that currently I commit myself to have a meaningful impact on other people too.

I started loving Baymax because of your essay and that's good, but a little bit too good. (Keep this part: as we call him for the funny shape of his body. - I lolled)

What I am trying to say by 'too good' is that you spend a lot of time describing the way he teaches while you can easily put that into a few sentences and focus more on yourself. Princeton doesn't want to recruit Baymax, they want you. Or better, make them want you by showing what you learned from him and state it even more explicitly.

Good luck with applying to Princeton (I'm applying as well :D)

@TVLAERE
Thank you for your suggestion, in fact I was expecting a comment about that, I do know that I need to talk more about me, I would love if you have any advice about how to empasize in my ethic of working hard and helping others.Also,at what point of the essay you think "okay now it's too much about Baymax", I think until the third pargrapgh it is okay and maybe I need just to restrucutre the fourth paragraph, do you think that would be fine? I know I'm asking too much, I hope we both can meet at princeton :p.

Anonym, perhaps you can try to first talk about your ideas behind Math and what you did not like about it in the first place. If you show that negative aspect of your interest, then introduce Baymax as the person who changed your mind about Math and helped to grow your love for Math, then his inclusion in the essay will take on more of a supporting role in the overall narrative. Do not open with Baymax immediately. Open with statement about yourself, math, and what Baymax inspired you to do with regards to it. Aim to mention yourself first in reference to the work that Baymax did. In truth, if you focus only on the influence he had on you and not the activities such as his hanging a medal on your team's heads, then the essay will have a better focus on you as a Math aficionado instead.

@Holt
I really don't know how to thank you, I guess you have realized I had been posting several essays here, my deadline is January 1st, so these three days I'll be posting just a few more essays, for this essay, I will do that and post the new essay here, I guess that I need to delete the fourth essay and use the word space remaining to make the introduction and focus a little bit more on me right? Thank you very much for all the help, I hope you can give me a fibal revision after i post the nee essay here.

@Holt
Here is my new essay, I left many things the same but added the introduction about me and a better conclusion (I think) about my math development.

When I entered the mathematical Olympiad I did it with passion and interest since the first day. I even cried my first year of participation when I didn't pass the regional stage. I didn't know why it happened; I had put my best effort in the trainings offered before the test and loved every class given by the professors of the Olympiad. But later, another teacher would made me realize why.

I still remember the first day I saw Manuel Diaz or "Baymax" as we call him for the funny shape of his body. As I was impatient waiting in the classroom, the older students kept increasing my eagerness by commenting how great Baymax was. He was well known for his contributions to the Mathematical Olympiad in the state, the founder of this Project in 1992 and one of the bests Math professors in Mexico.

When Baymax entered the classroom, he started talking about the value of the Olympiad and continued all the class saying the fundamental keys to excel on it. Surprisingly, Baymax never put us a Math Problem or even talked about Mathematics itself and never did it on future classes neither. Yet, Baymax is the most influent teacher in my development on the mathematical Olympiad, even more than the professors who did taught me math. Baymax said that convince the students about the significance of increase the study hours at home was more important than giving just a math class. He dedicated his classes to motivate us and inspiring us to work harder.

Baymax frequently projected TED talks videos and later pondered about their content. The "Marshmallow test and instant gratification" is the one that most marked me. It's an experiment that gives a marshmallow to kids and if they don't eat it in 15 minutes they receive another one. Results show that the kids who didn't eat it were more successful than the ones who couldn't resist the temptation. Baymax explained that we constantly look for instant pleasure and we aren't willing to sacrifice it for a better pleasure in the future. Then he pointed the importance of making a balance between our time relaxing and time working. I have learned from Baymax that hard work plays an indispensable role in any kind of success, even more indispensable than pure talent. "90% work and 10% talent", that's what Baymax always kept saying. Since then, I started to study more at home; I acquired awork ethic that has been essential for my success in the Olympiad. Now every time I do something I ask myself if it is going to make me achieve what I want, not only in the mathematical Olympiad, but also in any personal aspiration.

Baymax changed the way I prepared for the competitions. Thanks to him, I found out that if I kept studying just in the math trainings like everyone else then my results would be the same or worse as the other contestants results. But I left all the idle activities at home and substitute them for study math, leaving just a few activities to entertain myself. A better performance on my mathematical competitions was pretty noticeable afther that.

Thanks to Baymax, today I'm a person that knows when to have fun and when to work for pursue my dreams. The way of thinking that sacrifice something today will give a better reward tomorrow has been my principal ally for my personal growth. I'm extremely thankful with Baymax for entering into my life that currently I commit myself to have a meaningful impact on other people too.

Anonym, This is a very good revision for your essay. I hope you will not mind though if I suggest removing another paragraph in order to create a more fluid discussion and lessen the focus of the essay on Baymax and just make it all about his influence on you. As I reviewed the essay, I found that the 3rd essay doesn't really offer much in terms of the strong influence that he was able to convey upon you. It seems that the strength of his influence is better reflected in the 4th paragraph. If you read the essay without the third paragraph, you will probably find the same thing that I did. That the essay focuses immediately on the direct influence that Baymax had on your thinking with regards to Math, success, and how triumph is a combination of a number of factors and not just academic skills. Please let me know if my suggestion works for you. I'll be happy to help for as long as you need me to.

@Holt
Glad i could developed a good essay about this, I thought the third paragraph made a transition with the second one with the story about the first time I met him waiting in the classroom, but I did see the point you made by deleting the third paragraph, perhaps some adjustments to the content of the third paragraph to make a better transition? Or do you really believe it is the best just delete it and submit the essay exactly with the other 5 paragraphs?

Since this is a word limited essay, it is always best to go direct to the point in terms of discussion whenever possible. That is because the essay needs to grab the reviewers attention and allow him to learn about what you have to explain in a speedy manner. It would be best to totally eliminate the essay because that is actually the weakest paragraph in the overall presentation. A transition sentence is not necessary because, from the way I see it, the second paragraph actually introduces the Ted Talks aspect in a vivid manner. Through the interest of Baymax in Ted Talks, your second paragraph about how the man started a project directly ties in with his advocacy represented in the Ted Talk video. If it were up to me, I would remove the paragraph. Of course, if you want to keep it and just modify it in some way, then you can work on doing that as well.

@Holt
I deleted the third paragraph and add just a sentece on the fourth paragraph thay I wanted to keep from the paragraph I deleted.
My essay now really looks how I wanted and shows whay I feel about Baymax, thank you for the suggestions.