Here is my main essay for the Common Application.
I didn't choose any given topic. This is my own topic.
I want to say some of my ideas and concepts that I want to demonstrate through this essay.
I desire to show that I am not only perceptual but also rational.
My perceptual quality is nurtured because of my devote to arts.
And my rational quality, however, can be presented thoroughly when facing mathematics.
Sincerely hope that you can give me some suggestions. Thank you~^^
Putting on my ballerina shoes and then sectioning my hair to pigtails are the physical routines that get me ready to enter the world of ballet. The next step is the mental preparation for the performance, and that begins with understanding the role, creating the character, and then becoming that character. This intense preparation helps ballet performers interpret the characters more accurately and more vividly, giving the audience as well as herself or himself a better experience of the performance. When a new character is given to me, I mentally prepare myself to embody that character, immediately and naturally. So if I am to be a white swan, I imagine I am swimming blessedly in a limpid lake, enjoying the warmth of the sun and coolness of the water. I am revealing my fresco movements with my extended arms, a contented smile and brisk jumps. As a female pirate, I am sailing the ship fiercely, always ready to rob other vessels in the sea-I make fierce jumps and sharp movements, highlighting the treacherous and dastardly personality of my pirate self. Creativity and imagination are what I give ballet and ballet in turn endows me with a new perspective on dance and life, which leads to new creativity and imagination. I think many people don't understand ballet from this standpoint and I aim to share and educate people about the power of ballet through my exquisite dancing.
Piano is similar to ballet because it can inspire new creativity and imagination as well. Instead of movement and dance, the piano uses the power of melody, rhythm, and even the position of the head to reveal and stimulate feeling. A musical composition awaits me, a pianist, to interpret it perfectly for me. The mood and emotion the composer felt during the time he or she composed the musical work are infused into the notes and different interpretations. I interpret "Pathétique Piano Sonata" by Beethoven as full of strongly pathetic and dark emotion. Chopin's "Nocturnes," however, inspires me to create an interpretation of a tranquil and pensive atmosphere. While, when it comes to Mozart's "Don Giovanni", it requires a vivid performance to complement the music which is lively, relaxed and full of vitality. Every piano piece is actually imagined individually and not copied by other pianists, as some people may imagine, and so it's a great exercise in constant creativity and incorporating new ideas and emotions into even the oldest of pieces.
Ballet, piano and other arts share a deep potential power to inspire creativity and imagination that lead to my innovative thinking ability and a deeper understanding of the arts and society. However, when facing mathematics, my emotions become cold, and hard numbers and formulas take precedent.
When doing math, my structured logical thinking and analytical skills become the main things involved and I become strikingly rational. I almost become a different person with a different personality, forgetting about all the perceptual things, the rich emotion, the tears, the sensitivity, and the clairvoyance. As a result, I have done consistently well in mathematics throughout my life and have won numerous prizes in math competitions. Digits and formulas in mathematics contribute to the growth of my intellectual cognition and systematic analysis--the rational aspect of my disposition.
My devotion to dance and the arts relies on inspirational creativity and imagination. This is contrasted with my rational and intellectual approach to mathematics, where I highly concentrate on numbers and formulas. Both arts and mathematics render me fresh perspectives in viewing different aspects of society and life, and inspire new ideas. The inspirations I get from my two loves are what gives me the edge to succeed in the future and to achieve high goals.
Excellent! You are a smart one... this first paragraph does a great job of carrying the reader along. Your writing flows with rhythm like dancing, so it accomplishes something that is really impressive to those of us who appreciate writing that sounds like what it is describing.
Here is a suggestion to cut out a word that is not helpful:
I think many people don't understand ballet from this standpoint and I aim to share and educate people about the power of ballet through my exquisite dancing. ----> t is not necessary to cut that word, but I would cut it if this was my essay.
Oh, wait a minute, not, I am on to paragraph #2 and I see that you switched subjects. That means you should show them your excellent composition skills by mentioning the piano as well as dacing in your thesis statement. For the sake of good composition, you should mention at the start of the essay what the main idea of the essay will be -- and in this case, it seems that the main idea is not just dancing, and not just piano, and not ust math -- but a common thread that unites all three.
What is the common thread? I think it is what determines your college plan. Can you add an intro para before the first para -- one that explains that you are a scholar whose future involves the precision and rhythm of dance, piano, and mathematics.
Creativity and imagination are what I give ballet
akwardly phrased.
Piano is similar to ballet because it can inspire new creativity and imagination as well.
\
omit "new"...how can creativity be new or old?
I interpret "Pathétique Ppy.iano Sonata" by Beethoven as full of strongly pathetic and dark emotion.
I find the use of "pathetic" somewhat inappropriate.
I feel that after you talk so much about arts, you ought to give Maths a little more space in your essay. Transition from arts to Maths is a bit abrupt.
First paragraph is exceptional! You need to work on the rest. Overall it's impressive indeed!
Would you take a look into mine? (hover on my username)
Well, thanks so much, Kevin.
The main idea of my essay is that I am not only perceptional but also rational.
My perceptual quality is nurtured because of my devote to arts.
And my rational quality, however, can be presented thoroughly when facing mathematics.
Do I need to state this at the beginning of the essay?
I just wonder that will it be a little be expected and predictable if I just show the thing at first?
Well, I desire to lead the reader gradually into my essay.
What do you think? Well, it's just my personal idea.^^
But I will sure edit it and paste the edited essay later.
Thanks again.^^
Yes, these are great questions. It is good if an essay has a surpising twist at the end, or something "extra" for the reader to take away. However, imagine an essay where the reader does not even know what the essay is about until the end. If you explore this forum you will see some like that.
Your essay does lead the reader's attention quite well, but after a paragraph all about dancing the reader thinks, "oh, this is an essay about dancing." But then you switched it, and that is the kind of thing that makes teachers say, "Oh, this essay is wandering off topic.
You can write about anything you want in the paragraph, but adjust the intro paragraph so that it establishes a MAIN IDEA that has something to do with each body paragraph.
At the end, you can surprise the reader by making an important point about your chosen topic. It can be a new idea... a conclusion you draw based on your main idea.
