Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.
My primary academic strength has always been in mathematics and science for as long as I could remember. However, it was not until high school that I discovered the field of engineering. As I took my first courses in physics and chemistry, I became intrigued by the numerous theories of how things are the way they are. Also, my affinity towards mathematics grew even more, shown through my awards through the various mathematics competitions available at my school. But despite my growing interest in these areas, I had yet discovered a career that would integrate these subjects into practical applications. As I talked to teachers, parents, and alumni, I found that engineering meets the criteria perfectly.
I decided to major in engineering because it is pragmatic as well as comprehensive. It is the discipline in which different areas of knowledge, such as my academic strengths mathematics and science, are used to produce something useful to the society. As well as incorporating various areas of knowledge to find socially viable solutions, the field of engineering also comprises of many different departments. The works of engineers extend from a space shuttle to a smart phone. Also, modern engineering has become 'greener', addressing the issue of pollution caused by human development. These factors are what influenced me to pursue engineering as a major at Carnegie Mellon.
I believe studying at Carnegie Mellon can aid me in finding my future career. Because I will have to take an engineering course in my first year at Carnegie Institute of Technology, I will be able to learn more about this field, as well as get to know each single department well enough to decide on pursuing a specific major. CIT will provide the rigorous academics as well as the laboratory work that is necessary for me to familiarize myself with the field of engineering. The emphasis on collaboration and working with other students is already familiar to me. Coming from an international school where the opportunity to meet with people from different backgrounds is infinite, I have successfully learned to exchange ideas and work constructively with other people, especially through the Group 4 project of the International Baccalaureate's science program. Using this to my advantage, I will be able to acknowledge different opinions, express my ideas and draw rational conclusions in these collaborative tasks offered by the curriculum of CIT.
Also, the research opportunities at CIT caught my attention. Research, amongst other things that shape the undergraduate years at Carnegie Mellon, such as leadership and collaborative work, can prepare me to become a successful engineer after earning my degree. The Honors Research Program will allow me to pick a safe topic posted by the numerous departments at CIT, then work on it with a world class professor and facility of the utmost quality. In addition to the research, the 'Meeting of the Minds' will allow me to learn about other research projects carried out by fellow undergraduate students at Carnegie Mellon.
The minor offered in Environmental Engineering and Sustainability is another program that interests me in CIT. My high school has had a growing emphasis on sustainability and naturally, I have come to learn and research this issue. Even the topic of our Group 4 project was sustainability around our school. As I saw more trees in Malaysia being cut down for new buildings, I realized the effect of human activity on the environment and wanted to know more about sustainability and sustainable development. Therefore, I can learn more about this global issue while pursuing a major that I would choose at CIT.
Therefore, I believe that Carnegie Mellon can nurture my interest in the field of engineering as well as my strength in the sciences and mathematics. The education from Carnegie Mellon will allow me to become a successful engineer.
how does this sound??
any comments/suggestion appreciated :)
Is it a good idea to say that I'm relatively inexperienced in engineering but hope to learn about it in college?
...long as I can remember.
I believe studying at Carnegie Mellon can aid me in finding my future career. This sentence is not interesting or meaningful. I cannpt find much room to criticize your excellent writing, but I will say that the PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE is always very important, and you should never state the obvious in the topic sentence. Change this sentence so that it expresses an interesting idea instead of just an idea that the reader already knows. You would not be applying if you did not think this school could empower your career.
Same here, don't miss the opportunity to effect the reader powerfully at the beginning of a paragraph:
Also, the research opportunities at CIT caught my attention.
to become a successful engineer---It is even more impressive if you express to the reader that you want to be a successful engineer as a means to an end... for example, that green technology you mentioned. At the end, it is better to stay focused on a specific, interesting goal. That is no big deal, though! Your essay already looks great!
