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'Some may call it a passion' - FSU essay vires


sportytwin77x 1 / 2  
Sep 14, 2009   #1
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Until last year, I never truly understood the concept of "vires" or strength until the experience occurred right on the tip of my finger. During a drill in practice of my junior lacrosse season I badly bruised my finger to the point when I could not bend it for a month. My fingernail throbbed and turned blue. When the incident first occurred I thought that my bruised fingernail would prevent me from playing the game I love. However, not playing during practices and games was not an option. Through the pain I continued to play. It is this strength which I found within myself that was derived from my inner ambition to keep playing. It is what drove me and inspired me every day to continue to persevere. Some may call it passion; others may call it a desire. But in reality it is an intrinsic strength found within those who wish to achieve greatness. I believe this "vires" or strength is what will benefit me most in my coming years. This is the strength that will guide me on my path to excellence.

Feel free to comment and criticize. All is appreciated! Thank you!
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 14, 2009   #2
Why is your essay so short? How long did you spend on this?
It doesn't go in depth at all.

However, not playing during practices and games was not an option.

^So it wasn't really your choice to persevere...Where is this strength you speak of?
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 14, 2009   #3
The topic you have chosen seems a bit shallow. The essay itself isn't particularly badly written, but a bruised finger, even one that stayed bruised for a month, doesn't seem to be a topic with the same gravitas that a lot of the essays written by your competitors will have. Perhaps you could brainstorm some alternate topics . . .
OP sportytwin77x 1 / 2  
Sep 14, 2009   #4
thank you for your help. I wrote it in about 30 minutes. I was just hoping to get some feedback on my start. I appreciate it.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 14, 2009   #5
Well, your grammar is solid and your style is okay, so if you tried a different topic, putting a bit more time into it, you could probably come up with something quite good. Be warned, though. This topic has come up so often on this site that you are likely to face harsher criticism than normal, if only because everyone is getting so sick of reading about Vires, Artes, and Mores. Other admission essay topics keep cropping up to, but for some reason this one seems to result in many particularly dull, badly written essays.
OP sportytwin77x 1 / 2  
Sep 14, 2009   #6
Thank you for your input once again. I'm a twin so could I use that as a topic or would that be too shallow/dull too?
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 14, 2009   #7
^It depends on what it is about...


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