"The Meaning of Love" personal statement

"The Meaning of Love"
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

All I have to say is that without my family, and especially my mother and father, I am nothing more than a lifeless body wandering the earth like a nomad. They are my heart, my soul and my life that shaped my world. My father's difficulty in learning a new language and finding comfort in a foreign country is what keeps me aspiring to reach beyond the stars. My mother's optimistic attitude toward life is the motivation I need to overcome harshness, and my own struggles are what define me as a person. I would give up my whole my future, well-being, and my existence to spare them a fraction of a second of pain or unhappiness.

My family all started with my father. As he immigrated to this prosperous country from Lebanon, he had essentially nothing except a small suitcase. He had to educate himself, find a decent home, and look for a job. What was deemed an almost impossible task was a success He was able to overcome the obstacles and raise a prosperous family. I have only traveled a short journey in life, so I use my father's stories as motivation. I asses the hard times he faced and apply those to my everyday life. Even though my struggles might not even compare to his struggle, I still use them as guidelines to build a plentiful life.

My mother is the most influential person in my life. She is really the one who raised me to live life to its fullest. As she married my father, she had to leave the world she knew behind and start life as if she was a newborn baby in a mysterious world. Optimism had to be a key component for her if she had to adapt. This is another key I have implemented in my life. The journey I must take is bound to be filled with hard times. Thus, her way of life has caused me to make the best of every situation and this has got me through some rough times in my schoolwork.

I believe the ultimate accomplishment they had on me is that they have taught me to find truth myself, with some guidance off course. I think that is the ultimate reason why I question the world around me. I follow their role model and at the same time stop to think if this is really the best thing for me. I remember their struggles and that they have already gone through the same situation.

In answer to the question, I believe that both my caretakers have really influenced my dreams and aspirations. I have learned that it is important to dream big as my father did, and the same time to reflect the journey I must take to get there. Without these two loves in my life, I believe I would be reduced to nothing than a speck of dust.

Should I scrap it completely or re-write it? May I please get some advice!!!!

Your ideas are good, but try to avoid using too many 'I' and also try to have your ideas more organized. Your essay seems way too conversational

THANKS! How do you think I should organize them, chronologically, thematically, etc.?

I'm going to try to give you as thorough a critique as I can, but just remember, this is YOUR essay and if you like how it reads and don't want to change a part I suggest changing, then don't


While I like the opening because it goes straight to answering the prompt, I feel that something a little less bold and more introductory would really help the reader get into your essay. Like, the opening feels abrupt, where a reader would read the first line, get the answer, and not read the rest.


I would suggest rephrasing this sentence, it reads awkwardly.


Combining these two sentences (which I assume were meant to be two as shown by the capiltalizing of the H in "He") would help make the idea expressed easier to understand.


Perhaps, "Optimism was a key component in her adapting to her new life."


It doesn't make sense to think they had an "accomplishment" on you, rather, "effect."


Similar to my comment on your opening sentence, something less abrupt would be better.

I truly like what is is you're trying to say, but I believe it would read better after more refining. Nonetheless, you don't need to start over, with work this can be a very good essay :)