Abdirahman Sheikh
Prompt # 1
Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
A shrilling voice pierces my sleep and makes my eyes squint against the bright light. After gaining knowledge of my whereabouts and recognizing the voice, I desperately try to bury myself underneath the comfort of the warm blanket. As the voice gets louder and closer, with apprehension and futility, I try to portray deep sleep. Unfortunately, my brother recognizes my futile attempt at "playing possum" and relays his message. Indolently, I unwind myself from the blanket, give him a knowing nod and watch him hurry off to work. After he leaves, I spend a few languid moments in bed tabulating and listing my duties and chores for the rest of the week. Finally, I head to the kitchen, prepare dinner and clean up the kitchen. When my younger sister and father arrive, I give them their dinner and begin my homework. My dreams and aspirations are the product of my daily routines, past experiences, my parent's hopes, and my ambitious desire for an economically and spiritually fruitful future.
I am haunted and driven by my past experiences. I am the child of two people that came from a war-torn, dictatorially-Islamic country, who aspired for a better environment for their children. Like many refugees, I myself have witnessed the desolation, chaos and dereliction that is inflicted upon those in underdeveloped countries. Growing up in a refugee camp, I learned to adapt to pressure and recognized my increased sense of resilience. It is hard to complain about the past when the past has given one the opportunity to create a better future. As I blow through my rigorous-and sometimes dreary-daily routines, I imagine the life I lived prior to America, prior to '01, prior to the comfortable bed, prior to the three-square meals a day and realize the importance of my routine.
Moreover, my dreams and aspirations are also the product of my parent's hopes and goals for me. Because my parents lived a harsher life and realize the importance of education, they positively consign upon me the need for excellence in academia. As a Somalian, I am raised in a collectivistic culture that promotes familial strong ties and closeness. My parents believe that if one of their children succeeds academically, the whole family succeeds. My parents continually praise me for my achievements in academics; asserting that it is the only way I can secure a promising future. I agree wholeheartedly.
Likewise, my parent's intense desire for a better life for their children has created within me the desire to enhance my financial and spiritual prospects through education. As a kid in the Kenyan refugee camp, I remember accompanying my father to help him perform odd tasks for money. On these trips, he would tell us stories of a better future. He used to and still does tell me that life will be better. He will, until the day he dies, try to make life better for us; his nine children. My father gave me the means-his wits, wisdom, sweat, and blood-to help me secure a better life and now it is my turn to deliver. Granted, as a human being and once a child, that I have tried and failed at several tasks, but I have never allowed that failure to define or stop me from succeeding in the next attempt or a new endeavor. I am a young man raised with hope, high aspiration and iron resilience. As a child in a worn-torn country, I was not endowed with the luxury of education but this country has offered me that right and opportunity. In school, I utilized my potential as an ever-progressing, culturally and socially aware person. My past experience in my country has edified me as a child but as an adult, I have yet to discover myself.
In précis, though my would is made up of a milieu of thoughts, feelings, and experiences that can't be shared or articulated in words, the important aspects including my daily rigorous routines, parent's hopes for their child, as well as my hopes for the future can be assessed in this personal account. I would like to impress upon the committee that am not yet another disadvantage student that lived a hard life but a young man who used that underprivileged background to learn, develop and grow as a person. Finally, I would like to thank the committee for giving me this opportunity to relate myself and extend my humble gratitude for this opportunity and consideration.
PLease Be Brutal, I'm all down for criticism.
First, I'd just like to say that I think you have a really nice essay here - parts of it, especially the second-to-last paragraph, are genuinely poignant. Good job!
The intro, though, might have gone just a little bit too far with the description. It just seems a little forced, somehow. Maybe you could focus a little more on the actual routine duties of the day, rather than putting so much emphasis on the details of waking up?
Also, the last paragraph was a bit of a let-down; it seems like you'd built up to a really strong, sincere emotional level with the preceding ones, but then abruptly you took a big step back. Of course, that could be what you're going for, but personally I'd recommend keeping that emotional pitch going.
*Oh, and if you wouldn't mind terribly, I'd sure appreciate it if you could take a look at my essay, too.
